Stop voting for Jesus

No really. I here people say this. It’s one of the most insipid and churlish write answers I’ve ever heard. Right up there with voting for a major party. If you’re gonna write in at least follow your principles and vote someone who could reasonably qualify. In other words not a 2000 plus year dead middle eastern national. Maybe put the boxed wine down and drink water instead so you can think clearly.

-C Fish

Punk Voter

Short history, this was an organization founded by a handful of big names in punk to turn the tide of the political climate during the G.W. Bush era and it made a lot of waves. But Barackstar Obama won, punk got complacent and lazy and we’re here now. So the idea is to get dissatisfied you (the 18 to 20 somethings) engaged in the political process. We can do this again. You don’t need a Fat Mike or Jello Biafra to get it going. You yourself can get your local scene and others in the community engaged. The mid term elections are this fall and There’s actual Nazis running for Senate and Congress. We gotta fight this at the ballot box. Use your social media with #punkvoter to help initiate a conversation. Anti-Fascism isn’t all about putting on a mask and smashing shit. The real fight is to ensure that these mutants don’t get seats and the old ones get out. It’s not just one sided. In Cali Fienstien and Pelosi need to move on and anyone who’s been rotting away longer than 2 terms. Some of em are Evil Dead at this point. #punkvoter

C Fish

A Break In The Radio Silence

So I was on a role writing for a bit. But a little over a month ago something happened. I long time friend of mine that I was helping get clean and sober overdosed and didn’t come back. It fucked me up. I kinda didn’t give a shit about more than just getting by day to day. From the police report I read the cops fucked it up by not calling an ambulance right way. Go figure. So my brother Ant Man who I believed was supposed to live past the damage of addiction didn’t all the shake up is starting to solidify. It still fucking sucks and likely always will. But I’m a writer and need to be back to reviews of albums and bands as well as informatives or takin the piss outta somethin. C Fish is back mutha fuckas

MOVE 9 Update

Debbie Africa was finally granted parole on Saturday 16JUN2018. This is a victory. Although other MOVE members were also up for parole and got denied. So this could simply be good ol’ PA throwing a pacifying bone to the black community in the wake of the Starbucks incident. But that does not discount the blessing of ReSister Debbie Africa being able to breathe the mildly free air outside of prison walls.

-C Fish

My World 9

Welcome to My World 9.

As always you can reach me at:
48 Shattuck Square #6
Berkeley CA 95407

The Politics of Failure

Hi Jeff Ott here. I wanted to talk to you about some of the ethical and political considerations of punk rock music. I got into this scene thing in around 1983. I was 12 and a half at the time. By that time Maximum Rock and Roll generally, and Tim Yohannon specifically had a kind of stranglehold on what could and what could not be considered punk. The basic thinking as far as I could tell at the time was that because the rock stars of the 70s and 80s were so decadent and arrogant and pompous that we shouldn’t be anything like them. As time went on the ideology developed into the ramifications of the record industry being tied into the defense industry and other bad things. Eventually the mere possibility of breaking even on a band or doing a record with any non-MRR approved record labels was almost completely taboo, selling out and treason against the scene.

In the early Nineties it became very clear that mainstream media was going to start signing punk rock bands and present it like it’s the new thing. As it started happening we fully engaged the debate as to whether or not it should happen without really looking at the fact that it wasn’t in our power to stop it. Some of my friend’s bands went to major labels. I had already bought the MRR ideology hook, line and sinker but the fact that it was my friends afforded me the space to see if I thought it was wrong or not. The first thing that I noticed that nobody had an argument against was the fact that if Green Day wasn’t on MTV and wasn’t selling tons of CDs then it would most certainly be some other band. Our refusal to work with the major labels would basically have no effect on whether or not those corporations (and their defense industry buddies) made money. MRR threw the idea out over and over, if you just don’t do business with them then they won’t make any money off of you. So what, they will make as much money whether it’s you or the New Kids On The Block.

As time went on some of my friend’s bands did a handful of benefits for local radical and activist organizations. These produced huge amounts of money. Six Figures. My whole concept of doing lots of benefit shows that would raise about 100-200 each started to look pretty sad. One of the benefit shows Green Day did made about 35,000 dollars for San Francisco Food Not Bombs. Lotta money right? Wrong. It didn’t even cover their current lawyer bills. They had tons of cases against them for serving food. One of the main organizers Keith Machinery had a three strikes charge against him for serving food. It started to occur to me that it was much more important to provide lawyers, keep the meals going, and to build infrastructure for future revolutionary movements than t was to obey Tim Yohannon. Punk Rock always like to claim that it was revolutionary and against the system but it consistently fell short. It could criticize the system but it always was and is too chicken to actually confront the system and to attack the system. As I got older the whole idea of having an anti-establishment identity, but not actually doing anything got really old. At this point in my life I read an article about what Rage Against the Machine was doing with the money they were making. They were funding real shit. Zapatistas and Mumia’s defense. Yeah we were pure, but they were getting the job done and we were just hot air. As I got more involved in organizing it really dawned on me that actual revolution is going to take a lot of people, a lot of money and a lot of work. The whole idea of following Tim Yohannons line of thinking stopped making sense. I began to view it as deciding to fail. I have kids so I can’t afford to fail. I can’t afford the consequences of letting corporate/government control of everything going unchallenged. As I got even older and started having responsibilities like feeding my kids I noticed another flaw in the idea that bands shouldn’t make money. I couldn’t afford to do a band anymore. According to the rules of MRR everyone in the world should have a living wage but if you’re in a band you shouldn’t even make minimum wage. If I even got minimum wage for every hour I put into Fifteen I would own my own home by now. Instead I lived in doorways. That’s real solidarity with the workers huh?

So lastly I wanted to bring up all the things that we wouldn’t have if the MRR ideology was universally accepted. We would have lost a major piece of the movement against the Viet Nam war. Major Label bands played a very large role in stopping the worlds largest empire from destroying the people of Viet Nam. What do we have to point to, well we have argued about Green Day and bar codes until we were all blue in the face.

Lately I took my daughter to see one of her favorite bands Everclear. They are on a major label. I have abandoned my daughter for about 3/4s of her life. Lots of men do that. The band Everclear has a song called Father of Mine. It’s about the guy’s dad leaving him and his mom at the age of ten and how much it hurt him. When we went to see Everclear they played that song and my daughter and I had what is clearly one of the most important experiences of my life. I realized that not only did that major label band play an integral part of healing my relationship with my daughter, they are probably the first people to give a huge number of kids permission and space to rightfully place blame for all the pain they feel on the parent who caused that pain. This is infinitely more important than how much we hate bar codes. Lastly is the argument that major labels are buying up rebellion to present it in a safe way. I haven’t really seen more than a couple of punk rock bands that do anything but talk and pose.

So I guess what IM trying to say is instead of slagging all the nonpolitical bands for being on major labels, maybe we should be slagging the political bands for not being on major labels.

Why Jake Sayles, Kamala Parks, Jagger Bredahl, Cassandra Milispaugh Shoshana Wheaton, and Clayton McBride should eat shit.

On October 4th, 1998 the above mentioned individuals distributed the following flyer at a Fifteen show in People’s Park in Berkeley California. I will go through this point by point.

The text of their original flyer appears in bold print.

Why You Should Question Jeff Ott? – Jeff is a traitor to alternative lifestyles and has become a born-again Christian.

Traitor? Alternative lifestyles? Born again Christian? If you guys would of put that one last maybe somebody would have taken you seriously. First of all, I am not any kind of Christian. I have NEVER attended any church service ever. I have never been baptized. I have never accepted anyone as my personal savior. My spirituality is centered on my knowing that I am part of an organism called earth. That’s about it. Furthermore, saying that someone is guilty of something because of his or her faith is bigoted bullshit. Not particularly different from the homophobia you accuse me of.

As far as a traitor to the alternative lifestyles goes, I guess so. I don’t thinks it’s OK to have NON-CONSENSUAL sex with drugged children. People throw around words like alternative all the time. Having an identity is fine but it accomplishes nothing by it’s self. I work towards revolution almost every fucking day. I run my own needle exchange program in Sonoma county, I generate funds and buy/distribute sleeping bags, socks and vitamins to homeless people, I am a community health worker in Petaluma (I educate young people about HIV, Hepatitis, proper condom usage, safe needle use, etc.), I work at a homeless shelter, I (since I moved to Sonoma County) have been working towards the establishment of civilian police review and justice for the families of the 18 people killed by police since I’ve moved here.

He has manipulated women and young girls into supporting him financially and sexually.

Absolutely true. Not in the last seven years of course, but this isn’t about what’s going on now, it’s about employee’s of the Press trying to defend/avenge their BOSS. I have been monogamous for three years with the woman I have been married to for almost two years. I financially support both my wife, our daughter and I pay child support to my older daughter’s mother. I have been supporting these people for years now. I do this by working between 2-3 jobs (usually 2) on average about 60 hours a week. That is on top of the political work I do for free.

He has been living in hypocrisy for many years. He has gotten Jux Beck in prison for lessor crimes than Jeff himself has committed and admitted to (see My World Zine) and never served any time for his crimes.

Lesser crimes my ass. I raped one woman (my own age, and once again 10 years ago) and started to do the same thing to another. Served time? No. I sought out and found one of the two women that I did those things to and successfully made amends to her. What does that mean? It means that I apologized and offered to do whatever she thought would set straight my actions (i.e. money for therapy, etc.). The other woman I have not found yet. Jux on the other hand has a well-defined pattern (stretching at least ten years) of intentionally getting people loaded and raping or taking advantage of them. These people are basically all about 20 years younger than him. The man is a SEXUAL PREDATOR who preys on children. So to say the two different scenarios are the same you’d have to be pretty stupid, or (once again) defending your BOSS.

He has misrepresented “victims” of Jux Beck in e-mails sent out all over the country.

Bullshit. They have one kid Jagger, who claims that Jux never did anything to him. Previously he told his friends that he had to wrestle Jux off of him. Additionally a third party saw Jux trying to do things to Jagger and a girl at a party. I talked to the girl and she told me that that did happen to her. I did not talk to Jagger about it. Defending one’s perpetrator is pretty common, go check out a domestic violence court sometime if that sounds too weird to you. People who associate with Jux and the presses love to point to the kid who made the initial accusation against Jux, saying that he took it all back. I was told by that kid that he didn’t want to have to talk to people about it anymore, he told me in the same conversation exactly what happened to him and it fits exactly the California Penal Code definition of rape. Furthermore friends of some of the victims have told me they have been harassed by Jake Sayles because of their actions against Jux (Also, as far as “misrepresenting” victims goes, after handing out these flyers Cassandra Millspaugh asked me to get her in touch with some of the victims, because she didn’t know if any of the accusations are true or not. If you don’t really know, what the fuck are you doing defending his sick ass?)

In his quest to get Jux Beck into prison, Jeff has advocated violence against him in e-mails by claiming that any action short of murder would be justified. In these e-mails, he also printed Jux’s home address and license plate numbers. His false claims of Jux’s sexual deviations coupled with there e-mails has put Jux and his housemates / friends in danger as well.

I didn’t say any action short of murder would be justified. I said I would support any action short of murder. If one of the kids whose life has been ruined by Jux wants to kill him, that’s just fine with me, but I don’t want to have anything to do with it. Once again I have never struck another person (with the exception of my brother once when I was 4). I sure did print his home address and licensee plate numbers; I also gave some of the kids he hurt wanted posters to put up in Jux’s neighborhood. The way I see it the more people who know who Jux is and what he does, the safer the rest of us are. So since you were in so much danger what the fuck ever happened to you? Your house got tagged a couple of times? How scary. That’s much worse than coming out of a black out and finding a man twice your age anally rapping you. Huh?

Also, at Lucky Dog’s funeral Lenny (Filth) told a mutual friend that I should stop doing what I was doing because people at the (I’m unclear on whether “at the presses” meant employee’s residents, or people who just hang out there) presses were talking about getting guns and ski masks and finding me in Santa Rosa. Nice try on playing the “were so oppressed and peaceful” game. Unless you’re saying Lenny is a lair (which I don’t think is the case).

Jeff claimed he would leave Jux alone and not write anymore e-mails as long as Jux attended counseling sessions for victims of sexual abuse. Even though Jux attended these sessions and voluntarily ended his friendships with adolescents, Jeff continued, against his word, to persecute Jux and falsely accuse him of molesting young boys.

Actually Jux agreed to also stop sexually assaulting young people. He continued. He broke the agreement not me. I got confirmation from a young woman that he had done something to her.

He continues to pursue Jux Beck while he serves his term in prison, attempting to subvert the plea bargain that was agreed to by Jux’s lawyer and the District Attorney. Jeff pursued Jux through authoritarian channels yet refuses to accept the punishment imposed on Jux by the law.

This one’s so far from reality it must have been intentionally made up. I wanted the whole time for Jux to take a plea. That means kid’s don’t have to be retraumatized in court. Did I try to disrupt the plea agreement? Nope. They’re just pissed because the Judge doesn’t like the deal offered (the judge doesn’t have to sentence according to the deal, it’s basically just a recommendation.). Maybe they can find a way I swayed the Judge too huh? Let’s count them. According to this flyer and other statements by Jux ‘s defenders I have:
1. Gotten kids to lie about being molested.
2. Gotten the police to believe said lies and arrest Jux.
3. Gotten the DA fooled also, and I get to tell the DA whether or not the Plea agreement is OK with me.
4. Gotten the Judge to change his mind also.
5. Gotten police in Southern California to lie and put Jux in their computer, identifying him as a suspect in the molestation of three kids (ten years ago before I ever knew Jux).

This is getting just a little ridiculous. If I had this kind of power, Jux is the last person I would be going after. Just for the record I have never talked to the DA of this case, I have only called the DA’s office to find out upcoming court dates. I have never talked to the Judge of this case in my life. The cops in Berkeley specifically don’t like me personally.

Jux, contrary to Jeff’s claims, has not been found guilty of raping anyone. Rather, he’s in prison for a mutually consensual sexual relationship with a minor.

I never claimed he was found guilty, I claimed and still do claim that he IS guilty. He was charged with violating a minor sexually. None of the people writing this crap have bothered to talk to that kid (who filed charges) about it. –

Jeff has basically ruined Jux’s life.

Finally a little bit of truth.The way I ruined his life is probably a better deal than the way he has ruined 20 lives that I know of so far. Jux will probably serve 1-2 years in jail. That’s a much better deal than living with being abused the rest of your life at least 20 times over. It’s probably better than the way his life would be ruined if somebody’s parents found out and killed him, don’t you think? What goes around comes around.

We think it’s time for Jeff Ott to stop his pursuit of Jux Beck

I haven’t done anything to or about Jux for months and months, but when consequences finally come his way his employee’s will sure try to make it look like I have.

This pamphlet was prepared by Jake Sayles, Kamala Parks, Jagger Bredahl, Cassandra Milispaugh, Shoshana Wheaton, and Clayton McBride. (PS – Shoshana, I wasn’t really passed out when you tried to fuck Jack next to me. It must suck not having the capacity to be honest, huh?)

A Little Bit More About Jux. (and MRR)

Back a year or two ago I started dealing with Jux. The first thing I did was end up on a committee established by the membership of 924 Gilman. When things got too personal for my tastes (Jux tried to sexually assault a very close friend of mine) I quit the committee and started sending emails to every punk I could find on the Internet. At the very next membership meeting Jux showed up in a rage, and threatened the officers of the club (my wife was present also) by saying “I’m going to get Tim Yohannon to deal with all of this. Low and behold the very next issue of MRR has a column by Tim warning people to watch out for myself and the club and “our” MacCarthyistic tactics. I was starting to get an image of Jux wielding Tim Yohannon around on a leash.

Tim had recently devoted an entire issue of MRR to presenting Lookout! Records and Lawrence in particular as the rough equivalent of the anti-christ (Larry’s crime? Failing to put a record out). I wrote a letter to MRR to defend myself and to point out that Tim was at least as MacCarthyistic as I could ever hope to be. It was sort of a surprise to me to find out that he refused to print my letter. It seemed like MRR had always let people at least reply to accusations made against them. So I sent the letter to Punk Planet who promptly printed it. The letter didn’t even name Jux.

In the next issue of Punk Planet and MRR there was a reply from Jux in the letters section. His letter basically said how I’m the actual rapist and how he never did anything to anybody (although he did apologize to unnamed people in the same letter). I thought this was sort of a funny statement considering I knew he would soon either plead guilty or be found guilty of a sex crime done to a minor. I proceeded to send a letter of reply to both Punk Planet and MRR, as usual punk planet printed it and MRR didn’t. I began a dialog with Ikki at MRR as to why the letter wasn’t printed. Jux’s letter made accusations against me that were provably false. Ikki told me he would look into it and talk to the collective about it. Because he was very new to the magazine I ended up dealing with Jacqueline instead. She and I talked quite a bit over a period of weeks. I tried to make it clear that journalistic responsibility means letting a person respond to accusations. I tried to get her to understand that not only did they print a libelous letter, but the author was listed as a “worker” in that issue and also had a paid ad in that issue. I tried to explain to her that it would be pretty easy to sue MRR. It wasn’t just a letter, it was the opinion of a worker at the zine for which they are directly responsible. So anyway, it became clear no letter would be printed. Next thing I know Jux was picked up by the police and charged with three counts of felony sexual assault.

I then requested that MRR at least let me send in an update, since the nature of the accusations made against me were that I was a liar and nothing I said about Jux was true. I figured that him being charged should significantly offset Jux’s prior statements. When Jacqueline finally got back to me the last time all she had to say was that somebody named Timojen thought my information was sketchy and so they couldn’t print anything by me (they never talked to any of Jux’s accusers). Then she went on to tell me that the magazine had decided not to print anything about Jux at all. That’s pretty convenient considering they have tried to promote Jux’s innocence since the word go (presumably due to Tim Yohannon’s long-standing friendship with Jux) all the way until it was obvious that Jux was going to get caught. At which point they stick their head up their ass and pretend nothing ever happened.

During our conversations Jacqueline stated that she was concerned about not re-traumatizing Jux’s victims by defending Jux. Well guess what Jacqueline, that’s exactly what you did. So what can I say? I don’t know, Tim’s dead and MRR’s stranglehold on the scene is waning, as it should be. Timojen, smells like contempt prior to investigation and personalities over principals to me.


Over 1998 I worked at a recycling center for about nine months. Here’s what I learned:
1. Only buy glass. When aluminum and plastic are melted down you lose a lot of the material in the form of fumes and smoke. When you melt down glass you lose almost nothing. Additionally the more people use glass, the more likely it is that stores will go back to washing and reusing bottles, which takes even less energy than recycling them.
2. Plastic isn’t really recyclable. You can turn some plastics into harder plastics, but you can’t turn the harder plastics into much of anything. Easy solution – don’t buy plastic.
3. Aluminum isn’t recycled into cans. When you put your aluminum cans in the recycle, they get smashed into blocks and then they get sent to Asia where they are melted down and made into car engines. Therefore every time you drink soda/beer from a can, the can is made out of virgin materials. That means they cut up a mountain and used a whole slew of toxic chemicals to separate the ore from the earth. Simple solution – don’t use cans.
4. Paper is recyclable. It seems like most people only recycle their newspaper. You can recycle colored paper, newsprint, cardboard, blueprints, magazines, etc. Basically everything.
5. Here’s a list of other things that you can recycle. Brass, Copper, Scrap Aluminum, Lithoplate, Xerox cylinders, Steel. If you live in a small town they might take all of these things, but if you live in a big town there is probably a place that will.
6. There’s a lot of pretty severe alcoholics working at recycling centers.
7. There’s a big section of hell set aside for people who put things like dirty diapers and vomit in their bags of recycle.
8. Most counties have a recycling hotline, so if your recycling center doesn’t take certain things call up the hotline and find out who does.

Interview with Vanessa

Vanessa is my Daughter; she showed me this place on the Internet where you can download this free software so you can talk (IM) to people with AOL. Once I got the software installed we did this interview.

Vanessa: hi
Jeff: question #1) what’s your age and what grade are you in?
Vanessa: I am 12 and I am in 7th grade
Jeff: #2) Does your school teach you about HIV/Aids?
Vanessa: well we haven’t had any formal training no
Jeff: Do you think they should teach you about it?
Vanessa: of course it is something that can effect anyone
Vanessa: and as long as people aren’t educated about it then it will continue to be a almost completely preventable disease
Jeff: ok, #3, have you ever learned about the Black Panther Party or the American Indian Movement in history class?
Vanessa: no but I did learn a little by watching forest gump
Jeff: cool, #4 has a teacher ever taught you about domestic violence?
Vanessa: no we have learned a little about it from this program called G.R.E.A.T
Jeff: what was great about?
Vanessa: it was a program that stood for gang resistance education and training
Vanessa: it thought us different ways to react in situations
Jeff: oh, #5, has any of your teachers ever taught you about the women’s movement? Vanessa: no I believe we are going to learn about that next year
Jeff: good, #6, what do you do with your free time?
Vanessa: well I do tae kwon do and I like volleyball and basketball and I love listening to music and I guess I travel with my grandmother and well talk to you
Vanessa: use the Internet
Vanessa: talk on the phone
Vanessa: and well if I have time rest
Jeff: all right, #8, What do you think about animal testing?
Vanessa: I am really against it I have written letters to companies and stopped using products that use animal testing because I think they should find some other way to test products with out hurting defenseless animals because who says that we are any higher up then them and
Vanessa: I mean what if we are one of those little rats or bunnies in our next life time
Jeff: Are you against testing on the people who own the companies?
Vanessa: I think that they might deserve to be tortured just to see how it feels
Jeff: cool, #9, should kids get to vote?
Vanessa: I think that kids should have the right to vote if they can show they have the knowledge on the issues in fact I think part of school should be learning about politics and what has gone wrong in the past and how to improve the system so that the future generations will have a better government and the scandals and evilness we associate with politicians will no longer be
Jeff: do you think that adults should have to prove they have knowledge of an issue before they can vote also?
Vanessa: of course
Vanessa: I think that an uneducated adult shouldn’t be more privileged then a child just because they are older we are citizen of this country just as much as they are
Vanessa: hey on the side my mom thinks that grace looks like me
Jeff: (her hair is turning reddish)
Jeff: #10, should kids get to run for office?
Vanessa: I don’t think that we should have a child for president but definitely in some offices
Jeff: cool, #11, whose face do you think should be on the 1$ bill?
Vanessa: Billy Joe’s
Jeff: right on, #12 have you ever had a teacher at school talk about gay/lesbian/bisexual people?
Vanessa: nope
Jeff: do you think they should talk about stuff like that?
Vanessa: I don’t know why it might come up later in sex Ed though
Jeff: ok, #12, has a teacher ever talked about medical marijuana?
Vanessa: no Vanessa: I personally think it has its ups and downs though
Vanessa: for example it could damage your brain but if you have a thing like aids it could make you live longer because it makes you hungry
Jeff: that’s right Vanessa: I think if you aren’t gonna live to long anyways then it is a good way to add a little while on to your life
Jeff: yep Jeff: ok, #13, do you believe that people have really been on the moon?
Vanessa: well yea
Jeff: #14, who do you think should be fired?
Vanessa: fired from what?
Jeff: a job
Vanessa: just in general?
Jeff: yes
Vanessa: hmmm this is a tough question
Vanessa: well
Jeff: we’ll get back to that one, #15 are there any redwood trees in Redwood City?
Vanessa: hehe yea
Jeff: ok, #16, if you won the lottery what would you buy?
Vanessa: I would buy a house and a car I suppose and some furniture and save about some and then I would give the rest to a charity most likely a charity to help the homeless and starving people
Vanessa: I wouldn’t be like bill gates and keep it all
Jeff: glad to hear it. #17, how do computers influence your life?
Vanessa: well they make my life easier Vanessa: in ways
Vanessa: they are fun to use to talk online and stuff
Jeff: 0k, #18, how does Tie Kwan Do influence your life?
Vanessa: ok it is tae kwon do most people cant even come to close so don’t feel bad
Jeff: I tried
Vanessa: well first it gives me lots of self esteem and it helps me realize if I push my self to above my limit I don’t really have a limit and I can do anything
Jeff: could you beat up most of the boys in your grade?
Vanessa: oh yea not most all of them
Jeff: do you know anybody who has AIDS?
Vanessa: well (blank)
Jeff: is (blank) a friend of yours?
Vanessa: I don’t really know her all that well but I have met her
Vanessa: she is (blank) friend (blank) lil sister
Jeff: oh yeah. back to that one question, who do you think should be fired?
Vanessa: I have also volunteered in a homeless shelter
Vanessa: hmm
Jeff: where did you do that?
Vanessa: it was in Berkeley
Vanessa: it was a homeless shelter for people with aids
Jeff: oh, did you learn anything there?
Vanessa: it was rather depressing
Jeff: I bet. so……. who should be fired?
Vanessa: because I thought there seemed so smart and nice and to think they would die it was just depressing
Jeff: yeah
Jeff: what do you think about god and churches and stuff like that?
Vanessa: I think there might be a god but I think it is silly how people worship him church is like a cult
Jeff: do you think Bill Clinton bombed Afghanistan and Sudan just to make the scandal go away?
Vanessa: he bombed them?
Jeff: yes he did a couple of weeks ago
Vanessa: I don’t think that under normal conditions he would have done anything like that
Jeff: do you think he should be fired?
Vanessa: because of the scandal? or the bombings?
Jeff: either Vanessa: well maybe for the bombings but not for the whole Monica thing that is between him and his wife-
Jeff: do you think god is a “him”?
Vanessa: I don’t think god is a being
Vanessa: that is if there is one

A Little Info I Learned While Working With Needle Users, Prostitutes and Runaways (or, how to avoid death and having your genitals fall off).


1. Hepatitis A
How it is spread – Fecal to Oral. For example, someone uses bathroom and doesn’t wash his/her hands, then serves you food. The germ would travel from that persons feces to their hands to your food or plate to your mouth. OR Any sexual contact between mouth and anus or finger/penis/sex toy to anus and then to mouth. It can also be spread by contaminated water.
Symptoms – Fatigue, Light Stool, Dark Urine, jaundice, Mild Fever, Cigarettes taste bad. Symptoms last short time (4-6 weeks). There may be no symptoms.
Treatment – The Vaccine (Gamma Globulin) should be taken within 72 hours of exposure. Hepatitis A almost never turns into long term chronic sickness.
Prevention – Get vaccinated if you regularly engage in at risk behavior. Always wash hands after having a bowel movement, contact with feces, changing diapers or contact with changing tables. If you engage in any sexual activity that includes mouth to anus contact, please use a dental dam or Saran wrap. If you engage in any activity that involves anal penetration (fingers, penis, dildo, toes, etc.) please put a condom on the object and remove the condom from the object before any oral contact with the object.

2. Hepatitis B
How it is spread. – Blood to Blood. Such as sharing unbleached needles. Sharing toothbrushes or razors. Contact between an open cut and some other persons blood. Also blood transfusions before 1972 are a possible risk of transmission. Contact with Bodily Fluids. Sexual or non-sexual contact with the blood, semen, vaginal secretions, urine, saliva or mucous of an infected person can infect you. Being bitten by an infected person can infect you. Infected Equipment to Blood. Such as shared needles, unclean tattooing and piercing equipment. Mother to Child. Transmission can occur at the time of birth.
Symptoms – Fatigue, Light Stool, Dark Urine, Jaundice, Fever, Mild Flu like Symptoms. There may be no symptoms. Can cause liver cell damage, sometimes leading to cirrhosis and liver cancer and even death.
Treatment – Interferon injections are effective in up to half of those treated.
Prevention – Get vaccinated if you regularly engage in at risk behavior. If you have already tested positive for Hepatitis B antibodies you are naturally protected from getting it again. Try to avoid sharing needles. If you have to share, please clean all your needles and works in between uses. Practice safe sexual practices. Don’t share toothbrushes or razors. Avoid being bitten by another person. When getting tattooed or pierced ask about their sterilization practices and ask to see an autoclave (autoclaves sterilize metal instruments with very high temperatures).

3. Hepatitis C
A special note on Hepatitis C: Because Hepatitis C can take 20 or even 30 years for symptoms to show up, it has spread to the vast majority of needle users before we even knew it existed. We very seriously encourage anyone who has shared a needle or slept with someone who has or anyone shared snorting straws to get a test for Hepatitis C. Some researchers are estimating that as many as 90-95% of past and present IV drug users are positive for Hepatitis C. This disease can be eating away your liver before you even have noticeable symptoms. The sooner you find out you have it the longer you have and the more options exist to potentially beat this disease.
How it is spread – Blood to Blood. Such as blood transfusion before 1990. Sharing needles with an infected person (infected people may show no symptoms). Receiving a tattoo or piercing from non-sterilized equipment. Sharing razors or toothbrushes. Also sharing the straws used to snort drugs can pass Hepatitis C from one person to another. Sexual Contact. Hepatitis C can be transmitted by sexual contact. It is not as likely as Hep B, but because there is no cure, avoiding transmission is very important. Mother to Baby. Hepatitis C can be passed from a mother to a newborn at birth, although this is fairly rare.
Symptoms – Fatigue, Light Stool, Dark Urine, Jaundice, Fever, Mild flu like symptoms. Can cause cirrhosis, liver cancer, liver failure and death. In some cases people infected with Hepatitis C show no symptoms for 20 years or more even though liver damage is happening. This is why it is important to get tested for Hepatitis C if you have ever shared needles or had sex with someone who has.
Treatment – There is currently no cure or vaccine for hepatitis C, however, Interferon injections are effective in reducing the amount of the virus in a person in about 15% of those treated.
Prevention – Don’t share needles and works. If you have to, clean needles and let the bleach sit in the needle for 2 minutes. Practice safe sex. Don’t share razors or toothbrushes. If you have had a blood transfusion before 1990 get tested. If you get tattooed or pierced make sure they use sterile equipment and ask to see an autoclave.

4. HIV
How it is spread – Blood to Blood. Such as Sharing needles. Theoretically could include sharing straws used to snort drugs. Sexual Contact. Any kind of unprotected sexual contact that connects blood or semen or a sore or a cut together, including oral, vaginal and anal sex. Symptoms – General breakdown of the immune systems ability to deal with common diseases and infections. Constant reoccurring infections or diseases.
Treatment – There is currently no cure or vaccine. There are an array of drugs and combinations of drugs that don’t eliminate the virus altogether but reduce it’s numbers and ability to suppress the immune system.
Prevention – Practice safe sex. Use condoms, gloves and dental dams. When you shoot drugs, try to use your own needles, water, cotton, water container, cooker and spoon. If you have to share works with somebody, clean them before and after you use them.


1. Cotton Fever
How it is spread. Cotton Fever happens when you shoot dope and a little piece of the cotton or cigarette filter (with bacteria on it) gets into your blood.
Symptoms – Fever, chills, flu-like symptoms, feels terrible. Similar to being dope sick.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, clinic or emergency room and get antibiotics.
Prevention – Use clean cotton every time you inject. Do not reuse cottons. Regularly clean your needles, cookers and spoons even if you don’t share them. Don’t use polyester cotton or cigarette filters. Also once you have used a piece of cotton throw it away in a place (like a toilet) where others won’t be tempted to try and get a hit out of it.

2. Wound Botulism
How it is spread. Wound Botulism is very rare but very serious. It is usually acquired from muscle shooting (skin or muscle popping) contaminated Mexican tar heroin.
Symptoms – It affects nerves. First, drooping eyelids, blurred or double vision, dry sore throat. Then shortness of breath, slurred speech, paralysis, loss of muscle control.
Treatment – Go to hospital IMMEDIATELY and tell them you suspect you have wound botulism. The longer you wait the greater your chances of death or permanent disability.
Prevention – Avoid muscle or skin popping Mexican tar heroin. Avoid licking your needle before injecting.

3. Endocarditis
How it is spread. You get Endocarditis from picking up a bacteria when injecting.
Symptoms – Fever, Tiredness, Lousy Feeling, Headaches, Night-Sweats and chest pains. Treatment – If you have these symptoms and they don’t go away go to a doctor hospital or clinic right away. They can test your blood for Endocarditis and if you have it you need to receive intravenous antibiotics.
Prevention – Don’t reuse even your own needles. Clean your skin on the injection site before and after injection with soap and water, and with alcohol pads. Use clean water, cotton and cookers.

4. Abscesses
How it is spread – Abscesses happen when bacteria from your needle, drugs, works or skin get inside you when you skin or muscle pop, or miss a vein.
Symptoms – Abscesses normally start out as hard reddish lump at or near the injection site. It might feel warm and it might hurt. Later skin around the lump will get pink and puffy. Also it might develop red streaks spreading out from the abscess.
Treatment – If the lump is only a few days old and if there is NO red streaks,NO fever and NO tiredness, then try soaking the abscess in hot salty water (or hot washcloth). Soak the abscess at least 3-4 times a day, 10-15 minutes each time. If the lump hasn’t improved within 5 days, or if you see red streaks, or if the area around the lump is pink and puffy or hot, or if you feel tired or have chest pains then go to doctor, clinic or hospital immediately. NEVER SHOOT IN OR NEAR AN ABSCESS. NEVER SQUEEZE OR CUT INTO AN ABSCESS.
Prevention – Try to use a new needle every time time you inject. Always use clean cookers, water and cotton. Wash your hands and injection site with soap and water before shooting. Wipe the injection site with alcohol wipes before and after you shoot. Don’t skin pop or shoot into a muscle. Don’t shoot where two veins come merge. When you shoot, take your time and find a good vein.

5. Flesh Eating Bacteria
How it is spread – It is spread by infected needles, dope or cookers.
Symptoms – It starts like an abscess but it grows very quickly, within hours. It feels hot and puffy and red, and it shows red streaks and is painful. This can take large portions of flesh, a limb or even your life it is not treated immediately.
Treatment – If you suspect you have the flesh eating bacteria go to a hospital immediately. Do not try to treat it yourself.
Prevention – Don’t share needles, water, cotton, cookers, spoons, etc. Sharing Needles 3x water 3x bleach(let it sit 1 minute) 3x water If you have to share a needle with somebody please take the following steps.
1. Suck water into the needle, all the way up to the top. Squirt the water out. (Repeat 2 more times)
4. Suck bleach into the needle, all the way up to the top. Let it sit for 3 minutes. Squirt it out. (Repeat 2x)
1. Suck water into the needle, all the way up to the top. Squirt the water out. (Repeat 2 more times) Please never share water, spoons, cookers or cotton.

Sexually Transmitted Diseases

You can have any of these diseases and not have any symptoms. If you suspect you have been infected by somebody, get tested. If you show up positive, please tell who ever you have slept with since you got infected.

How it is spread – Sexual Contact. Chlamydia is spread by having vaginal, anal or oral sex with someone infected with Chlamydia.
Symptoms – Women. Bleeding between periods. Vaginal discharge. Burning when you pee. Pain in abdomen. Transmission from mother to child is possible during childbirth. Men. Watery, white or yellow drip from penis. Burning when you pee. If Chlamydia goes untreated it could cause Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, reproductive organ damage and even sterility.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, clinic or hospital and get antibiotics.
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

Genital Warts
How it is spread – Sexual contact. Genital Warts are spread by vaginal, anal or oral sex with a person infected by Genital Warts.
Symptoms – Small bumpy warts on sex organs and anus. Itching and burning around the sex organs. After the warts go away, the virus stays in the body and the warts may come back. There is no cure for Genital Warts.
Treatment – Individual warts can be burned off with a laser or frozen off by a doctor or at a clinic.
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

How it is spread – Sexual Contact. Gonorrhea is spread by vaginal, anal or oral sex with a person infected by Gonorrhea.
Symptoms – Women. Thick white or yellow discharge from vagina. Burning or pain during urination or bowel movements. Abnormal periods or bleeding between periods. Cramps or pain in the lower abdomen. Men. Thick yellow or white drip from the penis. Burning or pain during urination or bowel movements. Increase in urination. If untreated for too long it can cause heart trouble, skin disease, arthritis and blindness.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, hospital or clinic and get antibiotics.
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

How it is spread – Sexual Contact. Herpes is spread by vaginal, anal or oral sex with a person infected with Herpes.
Symptoms – Flu-like feelings. Small, painful blisters on the sex organs or mouth. Itching or burning before the blisters appear. There is no cure for herpes, even when the blisters go away they may come back at any time. Herpes can be transmitted from a mother to a newborn at the time of birth.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, clinic or hospital and get antibiotics
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

How it is spread – Sexual Contact. Syphilis is spread by having vaginal, anal or oral sex with a person infected with Syphilis. It can also be spread to a newborn during childbirth.
Symptoms – The symptoms come in two stages: Stage 1. Painless, reddish-brown sore or sores on mouth, sex organs, breasts or fingers. Sore(s) lasts 1-5 weeks. 2nd Stage. A rash anywhere on the body. Flu-like feelings. If left untreated too long it can cause miscarriages, heart disease, brain damage, blindness, and death.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, hospital or clinic and get antibiotics.
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

How it is spread – Sexual Contact. Vaginitis can be spread through vaginal, anal or oral sex.
Symptoms – Itching, burning or pain in the vagina. More discharge from the vagina than normal. Discharge smells and/or looks different. Men can get infections in the penis, prostate gland or urethra.
Treatment – Go to a doctor, clinic or hospital and get cream to treat it with.
Prevention – Practice Safe Sex.

How to use a condom
1. Use a new LATEX condom before each sex act (make sure the condom is not past the expiration date).
2. Squeeze tip of condom to remove air (Excess air could cause condom to break or could cause semen to spill out the sides of the condom). Also you may want to put some water based lubricant in the condom to increase sensitivity.
3. When penis is hard (before any sexual contact), place condom on tip and roll down all the way.
4. After coming (ejaculation) grab the base of the condom and withdrawal before the penis gets soft (to avoid leakage).
5. Avoid further sexual contact with your partner until both of you wash your sex organs and any other areas that came into contact with bodily fluids.
7. Never reuse a condom. Never use an oil based lubricant. Don’t expose condoms to sun and heat. Check the expiration date to make sure the condom is still good.

A Few Websites to Check Out

New Shit for Sale

Lucky CD/2xLP/CS $10 (+$1.25 shipping)
Lucky T-Shirt $10 (+$1.25 shipping)
Fifteen Baseball Hat $10 (+$1.25 shipping)
Well concealed cash or check/money order made out to: Ott 48 Shattuck Square #6 Berkeley CA 94704

Credits. I wrote everything.

My World 8

Welcome to My World #8. Most of this issue might be found in the Summer 1997 issue of Big Bang Zine. The two kids who put it out haven’t made up their minds yet. If they don’t run it I sure don’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to have somebody else dump all this shit on me. I wouldn’t want to have to take all the shit that would inevitably come as a result of printing this stuff. If you wish, please reprint any or all of this issue as much as possible. One more thing, you might want to ask your self, why would four women, three men and eight victims lie?

Why would I want to do this if it wasn’t true?

What do I stand to gain besides a big fucking hassle?

A Pedophile in the East Bay Punk Scene.
Hello my name is Jeff Ott. I want to relate to you some stuff that has been taking place at 924 Gilman street and the east bay lately. On October 5th ,1996 a kid came to the Gilman membership meeting and said the three weeks prior Jux, who runs Punks With Presses, had provided him with liquor to the point of him passing out. He said that when he came to consciousness Jux was raping him. This came as a shock to me. I have been using Punks With Presses to make CD covers for awhile now and I have multiple friends who work there, I had never heard anything like that about Jux. However I figured that since I don’t really hang out with people that drink or use drugs anymore I’m sort of out of the gossip loop. So anyway, the membership meeting had a really heated discussion about what to do. Eventually by the end of the Meeting we decided to elect 5 people to form a committee to investigate the charges against Jux. About 15 people volunteered. I and four others were elected. A short while later the show started and Jux showed up to refute the allegations. Those of us on the committee went down the street and had him tell us his side of the story. He basically had the same story as the kid except he said everything was consentual. He said something which was inconsistent with his own story. He said that the kid wasn’t too drunk to give consent but he also said they had to stop being sexual for a minute so the kid could throw up. From my own experience you usually throw up because you’re body can’t handle any more alcohol.

Upon returning to the club a friend pointed at another kid and told me that I should talk to him. I went down the street with the kid and asked him what his experiences with Jux were. The kid went on to tell me about a wide variety of abuses, ranging from emotional blackmail (if you don’t have sex with me you’re homophobic) to sexual harassment, to intimidation, to rape. He pointed me towards some other people who had similar stories. I talked to them at later points in time… One of those people I talked to was a woman who used to work at the presses. She told me she knew a kid who was also forced into sex. She recommended that I talk to another woman. She also said that she saw Jux inappropriately touching two young people at a backyard show just lately(December 1996).

I talked to a woman that was at the Punks With Presses warehouse on the night that the first kid said Jux tried to rape him. She said that the kid was way too drunk to even deal with issues like consent.

Then I talked to another woman who used to work at the press. She told me about four specific incidents she knew of. An eighteen year old being raped by Jux. A kid on tour being sexually assaulted. An ex-boyfriend of Jux’s claimed he was physically and emotionally abused. And a kid being invited to live at Jux’s warehouse and after the kid refused to give Jux sex, Jux kicked him out. I was also directed to talk to another person I used to hang out with. I talked to her, she said a friend of hers (14 years old) hung out with Jux for awhile, and that after the beginning he felt like he couldn’t leave. She said that Jux would lay guilt trips like “you’re homophobic if you don’t give me sex” on the kid. She also said that she had heard of Jux having to leave southern California as a result of him having big trouble with somebodies parents.

I then talked to a guy on the phone. He used to work briefly at the press. He said that Jux would use age, power and knowledge of scenesters and money/alcohol/gifts to lure kids in to him. He said that he had a friend that worked at the press for a short time until he denied Jux sex and then he was fired. He also said that Jux would use the line, “if you don’t have sex with me you’re homophobic”. He said that he also knew a kid who went to sleep in the same place as Jux and woke up to find Jux masturbating over him.

I then talked to a guy who Jux used to live with and he said he was told that a kid who was roadying for a band that Jux was traveling with woke up one night to find Jux trying to take his pants off.

I was later emailed by a person in that band who said that the roadie was perpetrated in other ways also.

Lately a kid called my house and said that he was at a party at Jux’s warehouse and was so drunk he couldn’t leave. He said that Jux came and disrobed him and had sex with him.

I started to notice a pattern.

1)Jux buys young boys booze and or gifts.

2)Boy gets way too drunk.

3)Jux says something to the effect of “if you don’t have sex with me you are homophobic”.

4)Boy is either too drunk to express “NO”. or

5)Boy says no and Jux doesn’t stop anyway.

6)Boy is asleep and has his pants removed or wakes up to find Jux masturbating over or near him.

Eventually I found out that a dear friend of mine was passed out at Jux’s warehouse, Jux tried to disrobe him and another friend of mine walked in the room and stopped Jux from perpetrating him. As a result they were both thrown out of the house.

At this point I quit the Gilman investigatory committee. I started sending email to anyone I could find asking them to boycott Punx With Presses. Almost immediately the issue was no longer the fact that Jux was raping multiple kids. All attention was placed on the fact that I dispersed information that I got while on the committee.

Was I wrong for releasing the information? I don’t really know. It’s definitely a conflict of interest on my part. I didn’t really feel like I had a choice. Jux tried to rape my friend. The other people on the committee were clearly too scared to even talk to any of the 10+ people I got information from, let alone do anything. I was starting to notice that the thing I called my community was willing to let kids get raped rather than confront one man. The consequences of the conflict of interest no longer mattered. Why the fuck should I care if a bunch cowards who call themselves revolutionaries disapprove of my actions. At least I have actions.

So I kept going, and sending out the emails until I got a message from Jux. It said he was done denying things and he wanted to talk to me. I went and met him. He wasn’t really willing to admit much but he was willing to go to the 924 Gilman Membership meeting and request to be 86’ed for a year while he was going to “get help”. In exchange I would send out new emails saying that Punx With Presses should be left alone and that the issue was resolved. Did I sell out those kids that he molested. I did. I felt like I had to get the club in a position of being able to say “we dealt with it”, so that if the police or the city ever got involved the club would be in the clear.

Since then I have found additional information. Jux molested three young people in southern California. They all reside in a mental hospital now. They are all too fucked up as a result of there abuse to talk to the authorities there. However one kids parents did contact the police and Jux found out about it. Which is why he left to live up here.

He is still hanging out with a young man who has already had to throw Jux on the ground and pin him in order to make Jux stop his behavior. I have gotten multiple emails and other forms of communication from employees at punx with presses saying that it is inappropriate to ask people to boycott punx with presses because they say Jux is not the owner and that it is a collective. Therefore I am not asking you to boycott their business. Not because I believe them. If it were really a collective then they would have the power get rid of him. Or maybe they think that Pedophilia is cool. If it is a collective all I can say is let’s see a lease that doesn’t have his name on it. Let’s see the receipts on the machinery, who owns it? Who signs the checks? Can we see some?

I guess all I’m asking you to do, is to know that, given the chance he will molest more boys.

I am also asking you to recognize that we are no different than our parents just because we have mohawks and tattoos and piercings. There is just as much rape and domestic violence in our scene as there is in our society. If you are the kind of person who actually wants to change something rather than just talk about it than please read the following.

Here are two stories from others involved with Jux and those he has perpetrated. The second was handed to me by the victim, the first was sent to me by a friend of the victim, in the second I have taken out the names and replaced them with pronouns inside of parenthesis, except Jux’s.

One Account from the Friend of a Victim.

I just wanted to tell you thank you for doing something about jux… i was on tour with (Band) this summer when the incident of sexual assault on the 15 year old kid occurred… just thought you might want to know the story… jux was always using money and gifts to try and lure people into hanging out with him… there was a time when all of (band), myself and the kid who was molested by jux would hang out with him a lot (after we met him off irc{the internet-ed.}) … there was the common pattern of him acting really nice to all of us… he would buy us stuff, try to impress us with stories of scenesters he knew, experiences he had had (almost all lies)… there always seemed to be strings attached to all of this however.. there always seemed to be the expectation that we were there to amuse him, and he would undergo severe mood swings and yell at us and stuff when we wouldn’t or couldn’t think of something fun to do. (Name), one of the guitarists had had a bad experience a few years earlier with jux, where jux was grabbing his ass and just that sort of thing.. but he somehow didn’t think a lot of it.. jux never really made any sexual passes at any of us except the kid.. there were always lots of kids hanging out at his house drinking and stuff.. when we decided we were going to tour (it was going to be (Band) and (person) as the roadie and that was supposed to be it) knowing that we didn’t really have any money or a van, he offered to let one of the band members trade him his car for jux’s van for the summer so that we could use it to tour…. it ended up however of jux using this as leverage to come along with us.. although we didn’t really want him (we had been beginning to pick up weird vibes from him, and were sort of feeling awkwardly towards him). He then insisted that the kid had to come too.. this meant jux had to bring a whole different car with him… tour started out fine.. but eventually we all started having problems with jux.. he was just being an asshole.. i wanted to ride in the van apart from him and he exploded at me.. it ended up mostly that it was just jux and (Victim) in the car by themselves most of the time.. originally i was going to leave tour early and go back with jux and the kid in the car to work at punx with presses. but i was not getting along with jux and decided i wanted to stay with the band and didn’t want to live with jux. when the kid found out that i wasn’t going to be going back with them, he was making hints that he didn’t want to ride back with jux alone.. he mostly was making up things like he was scared about jux being the only driver, and his mom would be mad and that sort of thing.. but mostly i think he was scared because jux had been coming on to him.. (jux had come on to him many times in the past as well as it turned out and told him he was in love with him, and that he was homophobic and all that classic stuff).. jux even kicked out this girl who had been living at p.w.p. when her and the kid started going out because he was jealous.. but anyway it ended up that when we were in DC, jux and the kid were supposed to leave the very next day.. jux had decided to let us take both the car and the van and he and the kid would take the train back home.. by this time jux had got really weird.. he would always speak for the kid.. like me and (Victim) are going to bed.. or me and (Victim) are going to do this.. and not even ask the kid anything.. it was getting really weird.. so we were in DC and jux said me and (victim) are going to go bus tickets.. and (victim) told him he didn’t want to go with him to get the tickets and jux got super pissed off at him and went by himself.. while he was gone (victim) came out and told me that jux had sexually assaulted him several times at night.. he said that jux had been rubbing his leg.. and that he had woke up and jux’s hand was in his pants.. and that another night jux had been trying to undo his pants.. none of us could believe it.. so the next morning while jux was asleep we drove (victim) to the bus station to catch a bus home without jux.. before he left he wrote a really good letter to jux explaining why he had left, and how fucked up he thought jux was. none of us knew how jux was going to react.. (victim) had also told us a story of how he had been shot at one night when he was standing outside of gilman.. although there is no proof, he had suspected jux in it.. i guess he and jux had had a big argument, and then it happened that night. jux had told us many times of how he had a gun.. so we thought he might get violent.. but instead when he got up in the morning he just started crying and went home by himself.. we told a lot of people about it.. but mostly people thought (victim) was making it up.. or that jux was just coming on to him and not molesting him and that we were all making a big deal out of nothing etc… so anyways I’m glad to see that others are starting to see jux for who he really is.. lemme know if you ever need any help. (the author)

Myths About Male Sexual Abuse
Myth #1 – Boys and men can’t be victims. This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the “macho image,” declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims or even vulnerable. We learn very early that males should be able to protect themselves. In truth, boys are children—weaker and more vulnerable than their perpetrators—who cannot really fight back. Why? The perpetrator has greater size, strength, and knowledge. This power is exercised from a position of authority, using resources such as money or other bribes, or outright threats—whatever advantage can be taken to use a child for sexual purposes.

Myth #2 – Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males. Pedofiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedofiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.

Myth #3 – If a boy experiences sexual arousal or orgasm from abuse, this means he was a willing participant or enjoyed it. In reality, males can respond physically to stimulation (get an erection) even in traumatic or painful sexual situations. Therapists who work with sexual offenders know that one way a perpetrator can maintain secrecy is to label the child’s sexual response as an indication of his willingness to participate. “You liked it, you wanted it,” they’ll say. Many survivors feel guilt and shame because they experienced physical arousal while being abused. Physical (and visual or auditory) stimulation is likely to happen in a sexual situation. It does not mean that the child wanted the experience or understood what it meant at the time.

Myth #4 – Boys are less traumatized by the abuse experience than girls. While some studies have found males to be less negatively affected, more studies show that long term effects are quite damaging for either sex. Males may be more damaged by society’s refusal or reluctance to accept their victimization, and by their resultant belief that they must “tough it out” in silence.

Myth #5 – Boys abused by males are or will become homosexual. While there are different theories about how the sexual orientation develops, experts in the human sexuality field do not believe that premature sexual experiences play a significant role in late adolescent or adult sexual orientation. It is unlikely that someone can make another person a homosexual or heterosexual. Sexual orientation is a complex issue and there is no single answer or theory that explains why someone identifies himself as homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual. Whether perpetrated by older males or females, boys’ or girls’ premature sexual experiences are damaging in many ways, including confusion about one’s sexual identity and orientation. Many boys who have been abused by males erroneously believe that something about them sexually attracts males, and that this may mean they are homosexual or effeminate. Again, not true. Pedofiles who are attracted to boys will admit that the lack of body hair and adult sexual features turns them on. The pedofiles inability to develop and maintain a healthy adult sexual relationship is the problem—not the physical features of a sexually immature boy.

Myth #6 – The “Vampire Syndrome”—that is, boys who are sexually abused, like the victims of Count Dracula, go on to “bite” or sexually abuse others. This myth is especially dangerous because it can create a terrible stigma for the child, that he is destined to become an offender. Boys might be treated as potential perpetrators rather than victims who need help. While it is true that most perpetrators have histories of sexual abuse, it is NOT true that most victims go on to become perpetrators. Research by Jane Gilgun, Judith Becker and John Hunter found a primary difference between perpetrators who were sexually abused and sexually abused males who never perpetrated: non perpetrators told about the abuse, and were believed and supported by significant people in their lives. Again, the majority of victims do not go on to become adolescent or adult perpetrators; and those who do perpetrate in adolescence usually don’t perpetrate as adults if they get help when they are young.

Believing these myths is dangerous and damaging.

* So long as society believes these myths, and teaches them to children from their earliest years, sexually abused males will be unlikely to get the recognition and help they need.

* So long as society believes these myths, sexually abused males will be more likely join the minority of survivors who perpetuate this suffering by abusing others.

* So long as boys or men who have been sexually abused believe these myths, they will feel ashamed and angry.

* And so long as sexually abused males believe these myths they reinforce the power of another devastating myth that all abused children struggle with: that it was their fault. It is never the fault of the child in a sexual situation—though perpetrators can be quite skilled at getting their victims to believe these myths and take on responsibility that is always and only their own.

Some Rape Info.


For purposes of this discussion, we will use the terms sexual assault and rape interchangeably. Sexual assault may actually differ from state to state. Generally, it is considered sexual assault if a sexual act is done against a person’s will. Some states require genital penetration to take place. Others do not recognize, for example, male on male rape to be classified as rape; it is considered criminal deviant conduct.

As a general rule, sexual assault is generally considered rape if it is coerced or forced sexual intercourse. It is a crime of violence that is acted out sexually. Rape is not about sexual gratification; it is about power and control. The rapist seeks to dominate, control, degrade or humiliate his victim, many times with threats of force, coercion, violence or intimidation. Many rape victims feel that they are powerless to stop the assault and will comply or submit in hopes of “just saving their life”, which they consider threatened.

Rape is a very under-reported crime with generally only one in ten rapes being reported. This is a highly personal decision that is clouded by feelings of shame, guilt, anger, hate, fear, malice and low self esteem. Often the lack of confidence in the legal system is a deterrent to reporting a rape. Even the trauma of a rape trial is weighted heavily as a stumbling block to pressing charges against a rapist. The feeling of “I just want this over” may persuade a woman not to pursue action even if she knows the victim. The problem is that “it just doesn’t go away”. Women usually experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Rape Trauma Syndrome as a result of the assault. Recovery can take anywhere from a few months to several years.

In his book, Rape Awareness and Prevention for Women, Robert Ferguson expounds on several myths and facts surrounding rape. The following is an excerpt from that book.

MYTH: Women “ASK FOR IT” or “PROVOKE IT’ by their dress and behavior.

REALITY: Most rapes are planned. “Provocative behavior” is usually set by male standards (in Victorian times, an ankle was considered provocative). Is my dress or behavior justification for an assault on another? Are you asking to be robbed because you have money in your pocket? The underlying idea in this myth is that women are “asking for it” just because they are women.

MYTH: Women secretly want to be raped.

REALITY: No one wants to be hurt, brutalized or humiliate. We often receive conflicting messages about this from TV and movies. They depict scenes where a handsome man breaks into the woman’s bedroom, the woman says, “No, I don’t want to do this,” and then the scene ends. When it resumes after the commercial break, the rapist and the victim have fallen in love. Many of us may fantasize about giving in to a more powerful partner, but we are in control of those fantasies. There is a huge difference between fantasy and the reality of a violent sexual assault.

MYTH: A healthy young woman can fight off or outrun any rapist.

REALITY: The average male has more muscle mass than the average woman. His strength is intimidating and sends a strong message that struggle would be useless or even dangerous. Fear can be paralyzing to many women. Ninety percent (90%) of all victims fear being killed when they are assaulted.

MYTH: Most people are raped by a stranger in dark alleys or other isolated spots.

REALITY: Sixty to eighty percent (60-80%) of all rapes occur in a home by an assailant known to the victim: a friend, a neighbor, a relative, or an acquaintance. Sixty percent (60%) of the time, the rapist is a date.

MYTH: It could never happen to me.

REALITY: Victims of sexual assault include elderly women, children of both sexes, males and even babies. It is estimated that 1 out of 3 women and 1 out of 4 to 6 men under the age of 18 will be sexually assaulted. One of every five victims is under the age of twelve.

MYTH: Sexual assaults are crimes of impulse.

REALITY: From child molest to sadistic rape, offenders plan their crimes in secrecy, perform them in secrecy, and make plans for keeping the secret private.

MYTH: Men who sexually assault are either crazy or sexually starved.

REALITY: Perpetrators themselves have said they want to control, degrade and feel powerful. Some do not ejaculate. The underlying feelings are anger and hostility– not sexual arousal. Perpetrators are usually ordinary people. Many are married or in continuous relationships with a partner. They often have histories of abuse or sexual assault in their own backgrounds, and they act out their own anger and pain with violence and assault

MYTH: Guns or knives are usually used in sexual assaults.

REALITY: Perpetrators are much more likely to use tricks, threats, physical force or drugs and alcohol rather than weapons. REMEMBER: Most people are sexually assaulted by someone they know and these are people who usually use just enough force to get what they want.

MYTH: Women often accuse innocent men of sexual assault.

REALITY: Statistics show that there are no more false reports of sexual assault than there are for any other crime. According to the FBI, two percent of all crimes reported are false reports. This myth probably arose out of the court process; in 50-60% of rape cases that go to trial, the defense attorney uses content as the defense.

MYTH: There is no way to protect against sexual assault.

REALITY: There are ways to reduce the risk of an assault and to increase awareness, sensitivity, and safety. For example, there are self-defense classes which help women to be alert, fend off an attack, and aid others in crisis.

Three elements must be present for a rape to succeed:

1. Privacy
2. Opportunity
3. Vulnerability

Each of these are somewhat self explanatory but do represent fundamental safety issues. The lack of privacy denies opportunity. Self confidence, education, awareness and training reduces vulnerability. Remember these concepts with the acronym POV, just like “point of view” of which everyone has one.

The National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS) is the single most comprehensive source for information on the experience and consequences of violent crimes against women. This report, based upon a nationally representative sample survey of women and entailing about 4000,000 individual interviews, provides us with many important insights about violence suffered by women:

· more than 2 1/2 million women experience violence annually;

· women are about equally likely to experience violence perpetrated by a relative or intimate, an acquaintance, or a stranger;

· nearly 2 in 3 female victims of violence were related to or knew their attacker;

· about 1 in 4 attacks on females involved the use of a weapon by the offender,

· about 1 in 3 of these involved a firearm;

· about 3 out of 4 female victims of violence resisted the actions of the offender either physically or verbally;

· about a third of female victims of violence were injured as a result of the crime;

· about half the women victimized by violence reported the crime to the police, and among those who didn’t, about 6 in I 0 said that they considered the matter a private or personal one or that they felt the offense was minor; and, nearly half the victims of rape perceived the offender to have been under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol at the time of the offense.

Domestic violence is a vicious circle that encompasses power and dominance in a relationship. Women often are made to feel as though battering is their fault. The most volatile point of a relationship comes when the woman seeks to terminate the relationship or have a permanent separation. The man often feels as though he has lost control of his “woman” or possession and the violence may escalate to the point of rape, brutal beatings, disfigurement or even murder.

One of the most degenerative side effects of domestic violence is the toll it takes on the woman’s self esteem. She often finds herself trapped in an unloving, violent relationship with no way out and a coercive fear or intimidation to continue in that relationship. Other factors come into play such as children, in laws, work situations and so forth that complicate each situation. The main underlying consideration should be the overall safety of those parties involved. In a dating situation, it would be wise to consider how that man treats the women prior to a long term commitment. Often times, women believe that “I can change him”. That is almost never the case. If the warning signs are present in the beginning, the pattern will most likely increase as the commitment level increases. Women should strongly consider whether or not this is a viable long term relationship if these factors exist.

It is suggested that if you are caught up in a relationship, whether dating or married, where there is domestic or date violence, get help. Your local crisis intervention groups can provide you support, counseling or even legal assistance if needed.

Nineteen Risk Factors That May Lead to Domestic or Date Violence
The following risk factors are only warning signs that something is wrong. However, as a general rule, a woman should be aware that if there are three signs present, abuse is a definite possibility. If there are more than five signs present, it is a probability. Over seven signs increases the possibility by a dramatic forty times!

1) Male has markedly low self-esteem.

2) Male exhibits a dramatic change in character or personality after the “courtship” stage is over (i.e., when “acting” is no longer necessary).

3) Male speaks rudely or cruelly to mother.

4) Male exhibits aggressive or rude behavior toward those with whom there is little fear of retaliation, such as children, women or the elderly.

5) Male usually blames all of his problems on circumstances or other people.

6) Male resents having to “timeshare” female with life’s normal obligations, such as job, family or children.

7) Male is easily placated when female succumbs to his demands, exhibiting a dramatic mood swings almost to the point of becoming charming. (Ironically, a normal, well-adjusted man stands his ground when he believes he’s right; whereas the abuser, once his demands are met, has had his need for control sated).

8) Male uses violence against a smaller, weaker person or a child, in situations where words would suffice.

9) Male becomes excessively agitated and hostile when other men speak to female or female speaks to other men in a non-flirtatious manner.

10) Male has attitude that he “owns” woman, that she is answerable to him and accountable for her comings and goings.

11) Male exhibits marked pattern of immaturity, such as temper tantrums and “schoolyard bully” threats.

12) Male exhibits an overall attitude of intolerance, such as rigid attitudes, racism, sexism, unwillingness to engage in healthy debate or entertain differing opinions, etc.

13) Male continually promises not to engage in similar behavior pattern, then violates this promise repeatedly.

14) Male continually puts his “wants” or desires before female’s “needs” and necessities.

15) Male is between 18 and 30 years of age.

16) Male uses severe or excessive attitude in dealing with children.

17) Male is unemployed or in profession known for “machoism.”

18) Male displays other aspects of inferior character, such as lying about innocuous things.

19) Male was the victim of physical abuse during childhood (unfortunately, often the abused becomes an abuser).

Sexual harassment is sometimes an obscure, nebulous concept that has become a very real issue in today’s work force. Basically, unwanted sexual advances, verbal or physical conduct involving sexual overtones or requests for sexual favors are considered sexual harassment. The key here is unwanted. The problem often comes into play when teasing or “off color” compliments taken as flirtation and not checked. The activity might be considered as welcomed as perceived by the man, even though it makes the woman feel very uncomfortable. The situation escalates as requests for sexual favors, innuendo, pornography, off color jokes, whistles or other forms of harassment begin.

The key to sexual harassment is stopping it dead in its tracks. Sexual harassment is against the law and most companies are sensitive to the legalities involved here. If a situation makes a women feel uncomfortable, she should immediately say “stop, this is sexual harassment” or something else to put the offenders on notice that this type of activity will not be tolerated. She should document the situation and if, appropriate, even make middle or upper management aware of a potential situation. Below is a guide to what is and is not considered to be sexual harassment, or unwelcome sexual conduct. See *3 for footnote information.

Sexual Harassment can be . . .

¥ Actions by a non-employee (i.e., a client or subcontractor) that affected an employee if her employer knew about them and did not address them.

¥ Behavior that affects employees who have not been directly harassed. Those employees may feel threatened by another’s harassment, or they may have lost raises or job assignments because the supervisor favored another employee with whom he or she had sexual relations.

¥ A single, very serious incident, though it is usually a pattern or string of incidents.

¥ Pinups, calendars, pornography, graffiti, jokes, innuendoes or other behavior that communicates that people of one gender do not belong or are expected to conform to certain images. These may constitute harassment even if they are in a personal work area.

¥ Harassment may be present even if an employee consented to sexual behavior. The employee may be able to show that she felt forced into the actions. Similarly, an employee’s past sexual behavior does not mean that she welcomes other sexual advances.

¥ Comments that men think should be taken as compliments. If those comments make women feel uncomfortable and affect their work, that could be harassment, despite the intent.

¥ Behavior that does not involve actual sexual conduct or touch. It can be verbal or implied.

Sexual Harassment is not . . .

¥ Limited to incidents in which bosses tell employees to accept sexual behavior as a condition of employment (that is quid-pro-quo harassment). It also can involve a hostile work environment a more subtle type in which an employee’s job performance is compromised because of persistent, continuous, unwelcome sexually offensive behavior directed at only one gender.

¥ Normal social interaction between the sexes, such as sincere comments about appearance or questions about weekend activities. It is not behavior that is polite, normal, pleasant, friendly or even mildly flirtatious. It is not a request for a date, as long as the person asking for the date respects the other’s wishes.

¥ All activity in a work place of a sexual nature. Flirting, innuendoes and annoying, indecent or vulgar language may be aggravating but may not always create a hostile working environment.

Stalking is a form of harassment than can easily lead to sexual assault. This is a form of intimidation, power and control and often causes severe emotional stress. Stalking will sometimes accompany the break up of a dating or marriage relationship whereby the partner is very jealous or possessive. As with sexual harassment, stalking can easily escalate into a violent assault, rape or even death. Stalking is illegal and should be reported, documented and not tolerated. It is recommended that all forms of stalking, communication, both written, verbal, telephone, letters, etc and all incidents be documented well so as to establish a credible pattern for prosecution, if necessary.

Home, auto and personal security issues become vital in resisting a stalker. If need be, the victim can secure a restraining order against the stalker, however, this still does not assure that the stalker will not violate the order.

Molestation and incest are similar in nature but differ in definition: molestation refers to sexual abuse by someone outside the child’s family; incest refers to abuse by a family member. Incest offenders can be siblings, fathers, mothers, grand parents, etc… and is even complicated with today ‘s high divorce rate where blended families are created. In some “closed communities”, incest becomes a serious and often common problem that unfortunately is not resolved easily.

Molesters can be friends, teachers, co-workers, baby sitters and so forth that usually have some knowledge of the child involved. Some form of trust may be established with the offender and the child is intimidated or coerced into “keeping their secret”.

In both cases of molestation and incest, the powerful ramifications of a child being sexually abused will last a lifetime. Child sexual abuse actually increases the risk factor for rape as a teen or adult. While children are often confused, uneducated or misinformed about sexuality, there is still a repugnant fear that something is obviously wrong with sexual abuse, regardless of how “nice” the offender was. Children should be taught what are appropriate areas to touch or see and what is best kept private.

The biggest problem is combating molestation and incest is the fear the child has that he or she won’t be believed. Children may feel that their exposing this ugly crime will (and may very well) break up their home and family. Additionally, the need for personal security, home, shelter, food and clothing may seem to be jeopardized by the child if they “tell”.

If a child tells a parent they are uncomfortable around an individual, it should be investigated as to why. Particular attention should be paid to body language, non verbal cues and ways they respond to that individual.

Men and women are different. This is no huge revelation but it is important to consider what motivates each of them. Women, as a general rule, are stimulated by touch and romance. Men are stimulated by sight. As an illustration of this, consider how much of the pornography industry is targeted toward men vs. women. Women are portrayed as perfect bodies who have a personal sexual passion for the reader. Men often will masturbate while fantasizing about a nude woman.

Women in pornography are exploited as sex toys or objects. For a man, the object of his sexual drive is not nearly as important as a woman. Generally, the woman will be more discerning with her sexuality because of her emotional tie to the recipient. Women are more emotional while men are more logical in their thought process. The pornography industry is well attuned to what motivates men and, therefore, will exploit the lustful desires of a man at the expense of women.

The following is an excerpt from the National Coalition Against Pornography. In this report, you will see a direct link to pornography and sexual molestation and rape.

Pedophiles report having molested anywhere from 30 to 60 children each before they were first arrested. The typical molester will sexually abuse up to 380 children in a lifetime. (Abel, 1986)

Experts estimate that as many as one in three girls and one in seven boys will be sexually molested before age 18.

Eighty-seven percent of molesters of girls and 77 percent of molesters of boys studied in Ontario, Canada, admitted to regular use of hard-core pornography. (Dr. William Marshall, 1983)

Pornography, especially child pornography, is used by pedofiles for three reasons:

(1) to stimulate themselves

(2) to destroy the consciences and lower the inhibitions and resistance to sexual activity in their intended child victims; and

(3) to teach the victim child what to model in the sexual encounter with the adult.

Between 1984 and 1990, more than 150 sexually oriented businesses were closed in Oklahoma City. During that period, the rape rate in Oklahoma County decreased 27 percent while rapes throughout the state increased almost 19 percent during the same period.

In many “adult” bookstores, there are video booths (referred to as peep shows) in which patrons pay to view portions of pornographic films while they masturbate or engage in anonymous sexual activities with partners in the adjoining booth.

In 1977, a Cleveland, Ohio, study showed that the rate of rape and robberies was two to seven times higher where pornography outlets were located. A 1979 Phoenix, Arizona, study revealed 500 percent more sexual offenses in neighborhoods where pornography businesses are located.

Research done in cities including Boston, Seattle, Houston, Los Angeles and New York confirm the relationship of pornography outlets to increased crime. Research conducted on 36 serial murderers revealed that 81 percent (29/36) reported pornography as one of their highest sexual interests. In a national poll of mental health professionals, 254 psychotherapists reported in their clinical practices cases in which pornography was found to be an instigator or contributor to a sex crime, personality disturbance or antisocial act. The poll found that 324 other psychotherapists and mental health professionals suspected such relationships in cases on which they’d worked. (Lipkin Carnes, 1970) For those persons predisposed to sexual crime, pornography serves as fuel for the fire. (Blanchard, Geral. “Sex Offender Treatment: A Psychoeducational Model,” 1989)

Based on U.S. Census estimates of the number of adult women in America, one out of every eight adult women, or at least 12.1 million American women, has been the victim of forcible rape in her lifetime. (National Victim Center, 1992)

With all offenders, pornography epitomizes the objectification of women and children that hastens the depersonalization process common to sexual assaultiveness.

Specifically, for those persons predisposed to sexual crime, pornography serves as fuel for the fire. (Blanchard, Geral. “Sex Offender Treatment: A Psychoeducational Model,” 1989)

Themes in hard-core pornography include rape; incest; urinating and defecating on women for sexual pleasure; bondage and domination; and sadomasochism. (Dietz and Sears, 1987)

In response to the FBI’s questions on the subject, 81 percent of serial killers surveyed said that hard-core pornography was their “highest sexual interest.”

Repeatedly, the U.S. Supreme Court has confirmed that obscenity, child pornography and materials harmful to minors are not protected by the First Amendment.

National Coalition Against Pornography, copyright 1997

Rape can be categorized into four types of rape and seven types of rapists:

Types of Rape

Date Rape-this is one of the most common types whereby someone on a date takes advantage of a relationship and forces sexual intercourse. We draw the line between seduction and coercion when the women says, in one or more ways, “stop” but the man continues his pursuit of her. The occurrence of rape on college campuses is much more common than publicized. All too often, statistics are buried because of alumni support, bad publicity, fear of epidemic or other factors. If a college said they had 50 rapes in a year, most likely there were in excess of 500! Date rape is about power and control.

Stranger Rape-this is the least common, the most glamorized and the most dangerous of all types of rape. Stranger rape is committed often as random acts of violence in an attempt to beat, torture or even murder his victim.

Social Rape- this usually occurs with a teenage girl because sexual boundaries are not clearly defined. The Social Rapist feel that she “owes it to him” or she has been a “dick teaser”, thus she owes him intercourse.

Acquaintance Rape-it is believed that over 80% of all rapes are committed by someone known to the victim. This could be the bank manager, the grocery clerk, postman, cousin, supervisor, hair stylist, etc. The name need not be known or personal contact established to be considered acquaintance rape, just merely eye contact.

Types of Rapists
Non sadistic Rapist-this is the man with low esteem who believes no woman would love him. Consequently, he believes that by forcing himself on a women, he has fulfilled his manhood and that somehow she will fall for him.

Acquaintance Rapist-when questioned, this rapist would probably admit that his victim resisted but would justify his actions by saying “she didn’t mean it”. This rapist has selected his victim and the rape is usually planned.

Opportunistic Rapist-this rapists may take the opportunity to “kill two birds with one stone” by performing, for example, a robbery or car jacking and a rape at the same time. This man is dangerous and unpredictable.

Anger Rapist-an impulsive and often career criminal, he is angry at the world and enjoys hurting or attacking women in general. He would not hesitate to mutilate or injure the victim.

Social Rapist-teen and peer pressure often place a young woman in a precarious position. The social rapist feels he must “score” in order to save face.

Power Rapist-often associated with date rape, the power rapists seeks control and dominance. Perhaps as a return of favor for his time or money, he feels he has it “coming to him”. The woman may resist the power rapist but this often fuels his fire. By dominating his victim sexually, emotionally, physically and psychologically, the power rapist has accomplished his goal.

Sadistic Rapist-this is the most dangerous of all. This man who would murder, torture or mutilate his victim receives much media attention. The media often portrays this rapist in a suspenseful plot that shows him “waiting in the bushes” for another victim who he would torture or murder.

Self concept is a major building block of character. There is a vast difference between false confidence and true self confidence. False confidence will assume that a person can handle any situation regardless of the odds stacked against them. This is both dangerous and foolish. True self confidence begins with knowing ones self. If you know your own limitations, strengths and weaknesses, you are better able to assess a situation and determine your best or optimum mode of action. You are in better control of your emotions and are able to think more clearly. Self confidence begins with small successes and continues to grow as you develop. Remember the acronym B.O.S.E. Build On Success Experiences. Each time you have a success experience, catalog the emotional high your receive and remember what you did to gain that success. Whenever you see failure (and, yes you will from time to time) glean what you can from the experience and go on. Don’t well on the negative but only the positive.

Here’s some ways you can build your confidence level:

1. Be firm in your decision making

2. Don’t compare yourself physically to the pin up girls that are exploited by the pornography industry.


4. Learn to accept compliments without apology.

5. Manage your time and priorities.

6. Set your standards and know your limitations.

7. Learn to speak confidently with body language (this includes eye contact, walking gait, posture…)

Many personal protection products are available on the market today. Guns, knives, pepper sprays, stun guns, batons, tasers and so forth are big business for many retailers. With approximately 80% of all rapists known to the victim, would it not make sense to prepare yourself for an assailant that is known to you? For example, your boss and you have worked together for 4 years and are together on a business trip. Would you hit with him with pepper spray in hand in the event he might assault you? Probably not. Similarly, a date is often a time to, hopefully, make a good impression. It would be considered inappropriate to hold your date at bay with a knife or gun… just in case.

With this point well made, turn your attention to the weapons a woman always would always have with her: her body and mind. First off, the most important weapon that anyone will EVER have is their brain. There is no weapon that will ever have the reasoning ability or judgment factor that ones brain has. The body has a number of very effective weapons available at its disposal. However, several considerations or assumptions have to be made here:

1. men are generally stronger than women

2. rapists are looking for a victim and may plan on a fight

3. some rapists will enjoy resistance and are prepared to control you

4. the rapists has had time to plan his attack

With this in mind, the woman must put into perspective her assailant. Unless she is skilled in martial arts, her chances of delivering a decisive blow to the chest are somewhat limited. Consider that every man is vulnerable in the eyes, groin, shins, throat and nose. This doesn’t matter if he is a 85lb teenager or a 300lb linebacker; he is still vulnerable and hurts if attacked in those areas.

While filming a national television show, this writer was once asked “what do you do if you’ve said ‘stop’ and he keeps on insisting”. My response was that it is ok to fight back. While the idea of fighting, kicking, biting, scraping and using anything available may seem awkward or uncomfortable for most women, surveys show that most women feel that fighting back was beneficial to them. Using anything and everything available in her defense will increase her chances of getting away. A single strike may not stop the assailant. A groin kick, while painful to all men, is not always an assured way to stop the rapist. Consider this, the eye is the most sensitive part of the body. To prove this, a glaucoma test forces a small puff of air against the eye. The person reacts to that. The eye is extremely sensitive and a good target choice. Fighting back, very possibly, may escalate a situation. This is something that must be prepared for. Learning to breathe will help a woman keep her head and awareness about her and look for alternatives to fight back or escape. There is no cook book method of teaching what to do. Each situation is different and must be handled on a case by case basis. Regardless of the situation, fighting back is a decision that is highly personal. The woman must make that all critical decision to continue to fight and resist or submit to the assailant. This is a decision that ONLY she can make.

The term “proactive” implies that one takes action before it becomes necessary for reaction. For example, when one considers an automobile, it would be ludicrous to plan on purchasing insurance as soon as a person has a wreck. Much the same way should people approach rape awareness and prevention. By taking proactive steps to being prepared, women will REDUCE their chances of being successfully assaulted. The proactive posture in training and education prepares a person long before the confrontation takes place. There is nothing that can completely prepare a women against an assault. However, by training proactively, she can perhaps avoid some hidden pitfalls or traps that might await her.

Below are national crisis hot lines. You can find similar hot lines in your local yellow pages, usually listed under “crisis intervention” or something similar. Most larger cities and even college campuses have rape crisis centers.

Abuse and Assault 800-962-2873
Assoc. for Children for Enforcement of Support 800-537-7072
AIDS All Prevention 800-322-8911
AIDS/HIV 800-342-2437
Ask a Nurse 800-535-1111
Missing Children Help Center 800-USA-KIDS
National Center for Missing & Exploited Children 800-843-5678
National Child Safety Council 800-327-5107
National Coalition Against Sexual Assault 717-232-7460
Child Abuse Hot line 800-4-A-CHILD
Child Abuse Prevention-Kids Peace 800-257-3223
National Organization for Victim Assistance 202-232-6682
Child Abuse Registry 800-962-2873
National Victim Center 703-276-2880
Child Find of America 800-I-AM-LOST
Vanished Children’s Alliance 800-826-4743
Child Find Mediation 800-A-WAY-OUT

Unfortunately, only one of ten rapes are ever reported (as best as can be determined). If you are raped, there are several things to remember:

1) Call the police, a friend, family member or rape crisis center immediately. Even if it has been several hours or days, please call! There are people waiting to help you. You are not alone.

2) Don’t shower, clean up or douche. Yes, the thought is extremely unpleasant, but the silent witness of DNA may be what convicts your rapist!

3) Don’t disturb the crime scene, change clothes, change the sheets or anything to disturb evidence.

4) Try to remember everything about the rapist: remember his height by reference to a door post or some reference point. Look for hair and eye color, scars, tattoos, physical defects. How did he walk? Was his voice gruff or soft? What about his teeth or eyes?

5) Remember the situation: You must be able to describe the force used and that resistance was demonstrated. Was there a weapon? How did he abduct you or break in? Did you resist and how did you communicate that to him? Was there a physical struggle?

6) Get help! You are not alone. There are victim assistance and support groups that are ready, able and willing to help you. You should not be ashamed. Seek help, talk about it and make constructive steps back to a normal life.

7) Be a good witness. At the onset, be honest with the investigating officers. Your credibility as a witness on the stand will be enhanced if you are totally honest from the beginning. Don’t fabricate, lie, exaggerate or otherwise distort the truth about what happened.

So, what do you do. The main concept we want to communicate is to heighten your awareness factor and get you to take action. The value of being proactive cannot be understated here.

In summary,

1. in a dating relationship, examine your own feelings about sex, set your limits and draw your line.

2. look for warning signs that might tip you off to an abusive relationship.

3. remember P.O.V.

4. learn to build your self confidence (B.O.S.E.)

5. consider taking up a martial arts class or rape awareness and prevention course.

6. be careful as to letting yourself get into compromising situations

7. know what resources are available to you

8. it’s ok to fight back

9. attack only vulnerable parts of your assailant

10. remember to survive

11. your most important weapon is your brain

12. keep breathing

13. consider investing in personal protection products and resource information

You have been exposed to an array of information that should have heightened your awareness and empowered you with self preservation techniques and confidence. The most important thing to remember is this: Our job is NOT to tell you what to do in a particular confrontation. Each situation is different. You have been provided a set of tools. It is up to you to use those tools as you see fit. Never forget: YOUR MAIN GOAL IS TO SURVIVE. A situation may be handled from a simple confrontation using a command to STOP or NO… to a imminent rape to where you have to make the ultimate decision: continue to fight and resist or submit. That decision can ONLY be made by you and you alone.

“Friends” Raping Friends–Could It Happen to You?

When you hear the word “rape,” what do you think of? If you imagine a stranger jumping out of the bushes on a dark night and attacking someone, you are only partly right–because most rapes are not committed by strangers but by men who know their victims, who often have gone out with them previously and are supposedly their friends. This phenomenon is called “acquaintance” or “date” rape.

Acquaintance rape is forced, unwanted intercourse with a person you know. It is a violation of your body and your trust. It is an act of violence. It can be with someone you have just met, or dated a few times, or even with someone to whom you are engaged. The force involved can come from threats or tone of voice, as well as from physical force or weapons. Experts estimate that as many as 90 percent of all rapes are never reported; in those that are reported, about 60% of the victims know their assailants.(In one study by the National Center for the Prevention and Control of Rape, 92% of adolescent rape victims said they were acquainted with their attackers. Reported in Newsweek, April 9, 1984) Of these, women 15 to 25 years old are the majority of victims.(McDermott, Joan, Rape Victimization in 26 American Cities, 1979. Washington, DC: U.S. Dept. of Justice as cited in Pauline B. Bart and Patricia H. O’Brien, Stopping Rape, Pergamon Press, NY, 1985, p. 131)

In 1985, Mary Koss, a professor at Kent State University, surveyed approximately 7,000 students on thirty-two campuses on behalf of Ms. magazine and found that one in eight women were the victims of rape. One in every twelve men admitted to having forced a woman to have intercourse or tried to force a woman to have intercourse through physical force or coercion; that is, admitted to raping or attempting to rape a woman. Virtually none of these men, however, identified themselves as rapists. Similarly, only 57% of the women who had been raped labeled their experience as rape; the other 43% had not even acknowledged to themselves that they had been raped.(As cited in Ellen Sweet, “Date Rape. The Story of an Epidemic and Those Who Deny It,” Ms., October 1985, p. 56)

Date rape occurs on virtually all campuses, small or large, private or public, rural or urban. Unfortunately, it cannot always be prevented. The more you know about it, however, the more likely it is that you can avoid being put in a situation where it could occur. You can learn the early warning signs and how to react to them. The majority of men are not rapists but some are. In this booklet we hope to show you what to watch out for, why it occurs, and what to do should it happen to you or a friend. Thinking and talking about acquaintance rape and what you might do if you find yourself in a bad situation can increase your chances of avoiding rape.

Because the overwhelming majority of rapes are committed by men, we will refer throughout this booklet to the rapist as “he” and the victim as “she.” We will use “acquaintance rape” and “date rape” interchangeably.

How Does Date Rape Usually Occur?
Date rapes typically occur when a woman is alone with a man. If you go to a man’s room or apartment or even get into his car alone, you are vulnerable. Date rapes can occur when others are relatively close by; for example, they can take place in an upstairs bedroom while fifty people are attending a party on the first floor.

Alcohol and drugs are sometimes a significant factor in date rape. Many victims say later that they drank too much or took too many drugs to realize what was going on; by the time they realized their predicament, it was too late. Sometimes a woman passes out and awakens to find a man having sex with her. On the other hand, some date rapes occur when alcohol is not involved or when the victim has had little or nothing to drink but the man has been drinking and becomes sexually aggressive. Mixed signals are another element in date rape. The woman acts in a friendly manner; the man interprets this friendliness as an invitation to have sex. “No” is heard as “maybe” and even a strong protest can be ignored under the delusion that women say “no” when they mean “yes.” Some men find it sexually exciting to have a woman struggle. If the woman protests only mildly, the man may think he is merely “persuading” her, not forcing her to have sex (He may think the same, however, even if she protests vigorously.) Sometimes a woman is not clear in her own mind about what she wants or she may think she will make up her mind as she goes along. If she changes her mind at some point and decides not to have sex, the man can feel cheated, rejected, and angry. He may be interpreting her nonverbal messages, such as her enjoyment of kissing and caressing, as meaning that she wants to have sex with him. At this point he may decide he has been teased or misled and “deserves” to get some satisfaction, regardless of the woman’s wishes. The result can be rape.

Although acquaintance rape is often a spontaneous act, many are planned, some days in advance, others in the preceding hour(s). Sometimes men plan to have sex with a woman even if they have to force the issue. These men have typically forced sex before and gotten away with it. They usually look for victims who are unassertive–perhaps someone who is not very popular an would be flattered to go on a date with him. Needless to say, these men do not see themselves as repeat rapists; they are merely “out to have a good time.”

What Are the Causes of Date Rape?
There is no one direct cause of date rape. Although there are usually three key elements involved, socialization, miscommunication, and/or changing sexual mores, one major reason for date rape is a lack of consideration for a woman’s rights and wishes. In a general sense, traditional male and female roles in society are part of the problem. Men are taught at a very early age to be aggressors; they participate in aggressive team sports, are encouraged to be competitive, not to give up, to keep on trying. They are encouraged to have strong sexual feelings and to experiment with their sexual satisfaction as a part of their masculinity. This environment which encourages men to be competitive and get what they want often leads to a belief in the “right to have sex.” Women on the other hand are socialized to be more passive, dependent, to be peacemakers, to avoid scenes, to be “lady-like.” They are discouraged from experimenting with their sexuality: “Good girls don’t fool around.” The double standard allows men to have sexual feelings and act on them; in contrast, a woman is allowed to be sexual primarily when she becomes “carried away” with emotion. Communication between men and women is often problematical, especially in the realm of sex. Especially in a first sexual encounter with someone, some women may say “no” when they mean “maybe” or even “yes,” and men have been taught to try to turn that no/maybe into a yes. Thus, it is sometimes hard for men to know when “no” really does mean “no.” Women on the other hand, don’t want to agree to sex too readily for fear they will be seen as “loose” or “easy.” Misperceptions abound; a woman thinks she is merely being friendly, but her date thinks she’s signaling willingness to have sex. Furthermore, stereotypes about women as passive and submissive can also foster a climate for sexual assaults.

The last few decades have seen a general loosening of sexual standards. With the advent of the birth control pill, many people are sexually active at younger ages than previously, including many college-age women and men. Thus, many college-age men may expect sex as a given after they have gone out with someone a few times. Sometimes the woman shares this expectation, but sometimes she does not. Some men believe they are entitled to sex when they have spent money on a date. Others may believe that if a woman is sexually active, she will willingly have sex with anyone, including him.

Acquaintance rape, however, is not simply a crime of passion, or merely a result of miscommunication. It is, instead, often an attempt to assert power and anger. Some men are sexually aggressive because they are basically insecure. Forcing sex on another person makes them feel strong because it makes someone else feel weak. Rape is violence against a woman. It is an issue that strikes at the heart of the personal relationship between a man and a woman, how they treat each other, arid how they respect each other’s wishes. People who respect others do not coerce others to do things they do not want to do.

Seduction vs. Rape
One of the key questions in the issue of date rape is the difference between seduction and rape: the man feels he has merely seduced a woman, the woman feels that she was raped. A useful distinction to keep in mind is that seduction involves no force, implied or otherwise. Seduction occurs when a woman is manipulated or cajoled into agreeing to have sex; the key word is “agreeing.” Acquaintance rape often occurs when seduction fails and the man goes ahead and has sex with the woman anyway, despite any protests and without her agreement.

What You Can Do to Avoid Situations That Might Lead to Date Rape
You can’t always avoid date rape. Nevertheless, there are some things you can do to minimize your chances of being raped.

* Examine your feelings about sex. Many women have been socialized to believe that sex means that they will be swept away with the emotion of the moment or that they can “make out” and then decide whether to say “yes” or “no” to sex later. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it gives too much control to the other person.

* Set sexual limits. It is your body, and no one has the right to force you to do anything you do not want to do. If you do not want someone to touch you or kiss you, for example, you can say “Take your hands off me,” or “Don’t touch me,” or “If you don’t respect my wishes right now, “I’m leaving.” Stopping sexual activity doesn’t mean that anything is wrong with you, or that you’re not a “real” woman.

* Decide early if you would like to have sex. The sooner you communicate firmly and clearly your sexual intentions the easier it will be for your partner to hear and accept your decision

* Do not give mixed messages; be clear. Say “yes” when you mean “yes” and say “no” when you mean “no.” (The ability to be assertive can be developed by training and practice)

* Be alert to other unconscious messages you may be giving. Men may interpret your behavior differently from what you intended. Often women and men send strong nonverbal signs of willingness to enter a sexual relationship and unintentional signals that might conflict with their words, and thereby contribute to sexual assault. Be aware of signals you send with your posture, clothing, tone of voice, gestures, and eye contact.

* Be forceful and firm. Do not worry about not being “polite.” Often men interpret passivity as permission; they may ignore or misunderstand “nice” or “polite” approaches. Say something like “Stop this. I’m not enjoying it,” or “Your behavior is not encouraging an open relationship between us.” If a woman ignores sexual activity she does not like, a man is likely to interpret that as tacit approval for him to continue. Men are not mind readers.

* Be independent and aware on your dates. Do not be totally passive. Do have opinions on where to go. Do think about appropriate places to meet (not necessarily at your room or his), and, if possible, pay your own way or suggest activities that do not cost any money.

* Do not do anything you do not want to just to avoid a scene or unpleasantness. Women have been socialized to be polite. In an effort to be nice, they may be reluctant to yell or run away or escape being attacked. Do not be raped because you were too polite to get our of a dangerous situation. If you are worried about hurting his feelings, remember, he is ignoring your feelings. Be aware of how stereotypes about women may affect your behavior. Accepting beliefs that “women shouldn’t express themselves strongly” or that “anger is unfeminine” make women more vulnerable.

* Be aware of specific situations in which you do not feel relaxed and in charge. Unwillingness to acknowledge a situation as potentially dangerous and reluctance to appear oversensitive often hold women back from responding in the interest of their own safety. For example, avoid attending or staying late at parties where men greatly outnumber women. Don’t be afraid to leave early because it might seem rude. Situations where there are few women around can quickly get out of hand.

* If things start to get out of hand, be loud in protesting, leave, go for help. Do not wait for someone else to rescue you or for things to get better. If it feels uncomfortable, leave quickly.

* Trust your gut-level feelings. If you feel you are being pressured you probably are, and you need to respond. If a situation feels bad, or you start to get nervous about the way your date is acting, confront the person immediately or leave the situation as quickly as possible.

* Be aware that alcohol and drugs are often related to acquaintance rape. They compromise your ability (and that of your date) to make responsible decisions. If you choose to drink alcohol, drink responsibly. Be able to get yourself home and do not rely on others to “take care” of you.

* Avoid falling for such lines as “You would if you loved me.” If he loves you, he will respect your feelings and will wait until you are ready.

* If you are unsure of a new acquaintance, go on a group or double date. If this is not possible, meet him in a public place and have your own transportation home.

* Have your own transportation, if possible, or taxi fare. At least for the first few dates, this establishes your independence and makes you appear to be a less vulnerable target.

* Avoid secluded places where you are in a vulnerable position. This is especially critical at the beginning of a relationship. Establish a pattern of going where there are other people, where you feel comfortable and safe. This will give you a chance to get to know your date better and decide if you wish to continue dating him.

* Be careful when you invite someone to your home or you are invited to his home. These are the most likely places where acquaintance rape occur.

* Examine your attitudes about money and power. If he pays for the date does that influence your ability to say “no”? If so, then pay your own way or suggest dates that do not involve money.

* Think about the pros and cons of dating much older men. Although they may be sophisticated and have the money to treat you well, they may also be more sexually experienced and may therefore expect more sooner.

* Socialize with people who share your values. If you go out with people who are more sexually permissive than you are, you may be perceived as sharing those values. Remember… It is possible to be aware without being afraid; to take responsibility for your own behavior without being a prude; to request that others not violate your space and your privacy without putting them down.

Real Men Don’t Rape
Real men accept the responsibility to not harm another person.

* It is never OK to force yourself on a woman, even if

o she teases you

o dresses provocatively or leads you on

o she says “no” and you think she means “yes”

o you’ve had sex before with her

o you’ve paid for her dinner or given her expensive gifts

o you think women enjoy being forced to have sex or want to be persuaded

o the woman is under the influence of alcohol or drugs

* Rape is a crime of violence. It is motivated primarily by desire to control and dominate, rather than by sex. It is illegal.

* If you are getting a double message from a woman, speak up and clarify what she wants. If you find yourself in a situation with a woman who is unsure about having sex or is saying “no,” back off. Suggest talking about it.

* Do not assume you know what your partner wants; check out your assumptions.

* Be sensitive to women who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.

* Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you might mutually agree to share.

* Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants. Do not let your desires control your actions.

* Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible.

* If you have any doubts about what your partner wants, STOP. ASK. CLARIFY.

* Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.

* Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.

* Not having sex or not “scoring” does not mean you are not a “real man.” It is OK not to “score.”

* A woman who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person; she is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.

* No one asks to be raped. No matter how a woman behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.

* “No” means no. If you do not accept a woman’s “no,” you might risk raping someone whom you thought meant “yes.”

* Taking sexual advantage of a person who is mentally or physically incapable of giving consent (for example, drunk) is rape. If a woman has had too much to drink and has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.

* The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense to rape. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not.

* Be aware that a man’s size and physical presence can be intimidating to a woman. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man’s size and presence was the reason why they did not fight back or struggle. Note: Men can be victims of rape and have the same rights to counseling and legal action as women do.

Danger Signals: Watch Out for These Men

Unfortunately, a nice, normal man can turn into a date rapist. However, there are some men who are more likely to be sexually aggressive than others. Watch out for:

* men who do not listen to you, ignore what you say, talk over you or pretend not to hear you. Such men generally have little respect for women and would be more likely to hear “no” as meaning “convince me.”

* men who ignore your personal space boundaries.

* men who express anger or aggression towards women as individuals or in general. Hostile feelings can easily be translated into hostile acts. Such men often get hostile when a woman says “no.”

* men who do what they want regardless of what you want. If a man does this in little ways–for example, if he makes all the decisions about what to do and where to go without asking your opinion–then he may also be likely to make the decision about whether you are ready to have sex with him.

* men who try to make you feel guilty, or accuse you of being “uptight” if you resist their sexual overtures.

* men who act excessively jealous or possessive.

* men who have wrong or unrealistic ideas about women (for example, “women are meant to serve men”). Such men are not likely to take your objections to sex seriously.

* men who drink heavily. A “mean drunk” can often get sexually aggressive, angry, or violent if he is rejected.

What Should You Do If Someone Tries to Force Sexual Activity on You?

* Stay calm and think. Figure out what your options are and how safe it is to resist.

* Say “no” strongly. Do not smile, do not act friendly or polite.

* Say something like “Stop it. This is rape.” This might shock the rapist into stopping.

* Assess the situation. Figure out how you can escape. Are there any other people around?

* Look for an escape route. If you can figure out a way to distract him, you can sometimes escape.

* Act quickly, if possible. The longer you stay in the situation, the fewer your options.

* Ask yourself if it is safe to resist. This is a critical question. Women who fight back initially, who hit and scream, have a much higher chance of avoiding the successful completion of an assault than women who plead or try to talk their way out of the situation. Nevertheless, resistance will depend on one main question: is he armed?

* If the man is UNARMED, then you have many options, including:

o fight back physically–punch him in the Adam’s apple, poke your finger in his eye, hit him with a lamp or other item, or kick him. Fight so that you can escape, as it is difficult for most women to incapacitate a man. Resistance may discourage the man or convince him that it is too much trouble to continue. Resist only as long as it is safe to do so. If resistance is dangerous, stop.

o run away. There is no shame in escaping a dangerous situation.

o say you have to use the bathroom, and then leave. o shout “fire.” If you shout “help,” some people will tend not to want to be involved in someone else’s problem. “Fire” concerns them and they are more likely to respond.

o use passive resistance (throw up). o use intimidation (lie; tell him your male roommate is on the way home; tell him you have herpes or VD).

o try to talk him out of it–try to appeal to his humanity, his sense of decency.

o gain his confidence so that he might let his guard down and you can escape.

o try to get him to see you as an individual person. Make him aware of the effect he is having on you. Tell him that he is hurting you.

* If the man is ARMED, then

o try to talk him out of it.

o try passive resistance. Your options are obviously a lot more limited when the man is armed with a weapon. In those situations you are taking your life in your hands if you decide to fight back. It may be possible to run away, if he is distracted, but only do this if you are reasonably sure you can get away.

What To Do If You Are Raped
* Go to a friend’s. This is not the time to be alone. At the very least, you need emotional support. If there is no one to go to, then call someone you can talk to, no matter how late it is.

* Get medical attention. Do not shower or clean yourself first. As soon as possible, go to a hospital or school health center to be examined and treated for possible venereal disease. You may have internal injuries which you are not aware of. If you decide to press charges, physical specimens collected soon after the rape will be valuable evidence.

* Report the attack to police and university or college officials, whether or not you plan to file charges. (Reporting a rape does not commit you to filing charges. You can make that decision later.) Have someone go with you. You can go the next day, but the sooner the better. Rarely do date rapists attack one woman only; they get away with it and so they continue to do it. If you turn him in, you may break that pattern and save someone else from being attacked.

* Consider whether you want to file charges with the police and/or with the campus authorities if the man is a student. If you do decide to press charges, the chances of conviction with acquaintance rape are low, although police, judges, and schools are increasingly more sympathetic than in the past. Some states now have rape shield laws, so that the past sexual behavior of a woman cannot be brought up.

* Get help and support, such as counseling. At the very least, call a rape or crisis hot line. Many schools and communities have them. Your school counseling center, student health center, or local sexual assault center also may be of help. You have been through a trauma and need help to deal with the situation and with your feelings. Women who get counseling get over their experiences faster and with fewer lasting effects than those who get no help.

* Write a letter to the rapist. There is a particular kind of a letter that victims of sexual harassment have often used to stop harassment that can be used by a rape victim who knows her attacker. The letter consists of three parts:

o Part I is a factual account of what has happened without any evaluation, as seen by the writer. (People usually agree with the facts but disagree with the interpretation.) It should be as detailed as possible with dates, places, and a description of the incident.

o Part II describes how the writer feels about the events described in part I, such as shame, misery, distrust, anger fear and revulsion, such as “I feel humiliated,” “I feel I was exploited.”

o Part III consists of what the writer wants to happen next.

o The letter is delivered by registered or certified mail. Copies are not sent to anyone else.

o A sample letter, which can be of any length: “Dear John, On November 23rd you and I went to the movies and afterwards you invited me to your room to see your softball trophies. When you kissed me, I enjoyed it but then you started undressing me and when I asked you to stop, you didn’t. Then you forced me to have sex with you. I trusted you and you betrayed me. You ignored my protests and used me. I was so upset that I wasn’t able to go to class the next day. I cried a lot, and I’m also having trouble sleeping. I think you are disgusting. I don’t ever want to go out with you again or even talk with you and I hope you never do this to anyone else.” Writing the letter can give the victim a sense of doing something constructive about the situation. It can also give the man a new perception of how his behavior is viewed by others.

* Do not blame yourself. Many people assume that the man is expected to ask for sex and the woman is responsible for giving permission for sex. Thus the woman may feel it is her fault for not having said “no” more clearly or for having trusted the man in the first place. Some men and women may also blame the victim and offer little or no sympathy. Men may believe you must have somehow “led on” the rapist; some women may suggest you either used poor judgment or have a bad reputation, so it is your own fault. In both cases, they are trying to distance themselves from what happened. If you find that you are being blamed for what happened, it is helpful to go to a counseling center, a rape crisis center, or call a hot line. You need to be reassured that you are not to blame; the rapist is. Even if your body responded sexually to the rapist, it does not mean you “enjoyed” the experience or that it is your fault. Even if you believe you were naive, not cautious, or even foolish, it is not your fault. Your behavior did not cause the rape; the rapist caused the rape.

What Are the Effects of Date Rape?
Different people react to stress and trauma differently. However, most rape victims go through definable stages of rape trauma syndrome. This syndrome is comprised of three parts: trauma, denial, and resolution.

* Trauma

o Fear of being alone. This may be especially acute shortly after the rape but can also continue for a while afterwards.

o Fear of men. Some women may be fearful and angry at all men. Counseling can be especially helpful in preventing this from becoming a long lasting problem. Victims of date rape, especially, are left doubting their choice of partners and wondering how they can ever again date safely and if they will be able to trust themselves and others.

o Sexual problems. For some people, these may continue for a long time since the sexual act now has been associated with so many negative feelings. Again, counseling can often be helpful in overcoming these problems.

o Depression. This can sometimes come and go over a long period of time. Generally, the more a survivor can talk about her situation, the less severe the depression.

o Fear of retaliation. Unfortunately, this may be a legitimate fear, especially if charges are pressed. However, such retaliation is in itself illegal, and can result in additional charges. Any threat of retaliation should be reported immediately to the institution and/or the police. If this is not sufficient, a lawyer should be contacted to help obtain a restraining order and explore additional options.

o Afraid to trust. This may manifest itself long after the actual rape has occurred when the survivor begins to date again and wonders if it will happen once more.

o Concern over reactions from family/friends. It is not always necessary for a survivor to tell her family and/or all of her friends if she is very sure that they will not support her and will react badly. However, family and close friends may be more supportive than the victim anticipates.

o Physical problems. These include venereal disease, as well as physical symptoms of stress, such as stomach aches, headaches, back problems, inability to sleep, or diminished appetite.

o Feelings of anger, helplessness, guilt, pain, embarrassment, or anxiety. These are all typical reactions and generally disappear with time. In any case, keep in mind that whatever happened and however it happened, rape is the fault of the rapist, not the victim.

* Denial

o Not wanting to talk about it. There is a sense of wanting to get on with life and put the experience in the past. This may, in fact, last for months.

* Resolution

o Dealing with fears and feelings. The primary way to work through these feelings is to talk to someone, be it a friend, member of the clergy, hot line, or counselor.

o Regaining a sense of control over life. This will happen usually only after a victim has dealt with her fears and feelings. At this point, she will be ready to put the experience behind her and get on with her life; she is ready to be in charge again.

Family and Friends: How to Help After a rape, survivors may be openly upset, even hysterical, or they may be numb and seemingly calm. The victim needs to:

* Obtain medical assistance.

* Feel safe. Rape is a traumatic violation of a person. Especially in the beginning, it is often difficult for victims to be alone.

* Be believed. With date rape especially, victims need to be believed that what occurred was, in fact, a rape.

* Know it was not her fault. Most rape victims feel guilty and feel that the attack was somehow their fault.

* Take control of her life. When a person is raped, she may feel completely out of control of what is happening to her. A significant step on the road to recovery is to regain a sense of control in little, as well as big, things. Things you can to to help:

* Listen; do not judge. It is not your place to play prosecutor and make her prove her story. Accept her version of the facts and be supportive. You may have to deal with your feelings separately if you feel that it was somehow her fault. Many rape counseling services can be helpful to friends and relatives of women who have been victims.

* Offer shelter. If it is at all possible, stay with her at her place or let her at least spend one night at your place. This is not the time for her to be alone.

* Be attainable. She may need to talk at odd hours, or a great deal at the beginning. She may not have a lot of people she can talk to and she may over rely on one person. Be there as much as you can and encourage her to either call a hot line or go for counseling.

* Give comfort. She has been badly treated. She needs to be nurtured.

* Let her know she is not to blame. This is crucial. Many rape victims blame themselves. She needs to be reassured that the rapist is to blame, she is not.

* Be patient and understanding. Everyone has her own timetable for recovering from a rape. Do not impose one on the victim.

* Encourage action–for example, suggest she call a hot line, go to a hospital or health center, and/or call the police. Respect her decision if she decides not to file charges.

* Do not be overly protective; encourage her to make her own decisions. She needs to feel in control of her life and this will not be possible if you do everything for her.

* Accept her choice of solution to the rape–even if you disagree with what she is doing. It is more important that she make decisions and have them respected than it is for you to impose what you think is the “right” decision.

* Put aside your feelings, and deal with them somewhere else. Although it is supportive for a rape survivor to know that others are equally upset with what happened, it does her no good if on top of her feelings, she also has to deal with, for example, your feelings of rage and anger. If you have strong feelings, talk to another friend or to a local hot line.

Legal Implications
Women who have been raped by an acquaintance have the same options as those raped by strangers. They can press criminal and/or Civil charges against the man who raped them. In general, date rapes are often difficult to prove. A gun or knife is rarely used and so it is harder for a woman to prove that she was forced to have sex. It is almost always his word against hers. The man’s attorney may argue that the woman “wanted” to have sex with his client, did so, and then thought better of it and so charged rape. The woman has to prove that she did not want sex, resisted, and was overpowered.

Unfortunately, date rapists rarely rape only once. If a woman does go ahead and press charges, there is a chance that she will be able to stop the rapist from hurting other people. Pressing charges also helps many rape victims regain a sense of control over their lives; they are taking some positive action. A pamphlet from Stanford University, Working Against Rape, describes the dilemma:

The decision to press charges is difficult and important. As more women force their courts and communities to deal with rape, awareness about rape increases. By pressing charges women claim the right to have the crime taken seriously. Legal proceedings may help prevent other women from suffering a rape…Conviction rates have increased…in recent years. Some women press charges to demonstrate that they will not be passive when they are threatened. When women fight back–both literally and through the courts–men might not rape as easily. A woman who presses charges can decide for any reason, at any time, to drop them. On the other hand, some women decide not to press charges because they don’t want their personal lives and rape experience aired publicly. Sometimes women’s anger and desire to act are limited by the time and stamina needed for a court case, and there are often educational or economic barriers to pursuing a case. Often women protest the fact that the man’s and victim’s Ace and class unfairly determine how they are treated in court. Some women don’t want to jail rapists as a response to rape. And some avoid pressing charges because they fear retaliation, although even in cases when a rapist threatens to return if he is reported, repeat rapes are uncommon. In some cases a woman’s legal counsel will advise against pressing charges. It is difficult to get a trial, let alone a conviction, when the victim is raped by a husband or boyfriend, is hitchhiking, or is under the influence of alcohol or drugs at the time of the rape.

In addition to–or apart from–bringing criminal charges, a woman may also have the option of suing the individual man who raped her. Laws of evidence are less strict for civil suits so even if she does not file a criminal suit, or if she loses a criminal suit, it is still possible in some instances to collect damages. Some victims have filed suit against an institution or fraternity (if the rape took place at a fraternity function).

If the perpetrator is a minor, the victim may be able to sue his parents. A woman should discuss these options with a knowledgeable attorney Again, since date rape is so difficult to prove, a woman might spend a great deal of money in attorney’s fees and lose the case.

Additionally, in some colleges and universities, it is possible to file a charge against a student who has violated the institution’s rules. A woman can choose to file charges in her institution regardless of what she does in relation to criminal and civil charges. In some instances, the rapist has been suspended from school.

All rape is traumatic but there is something particularly traumatic about a woman being raped by someone she knows and previously had liked and trusted. Although only a small percentage of men commit date rape, these men do a disproportionate amount of harm. As women become more aware of what date rape is and how it occurs, they may be able to lower the chances of it happening to them. Rape is not a private issue but a public one. Acquaintance rape cannot be considered solely a “personal” issue involving a particular man and a particular woman. It is a problem that concerns all men and all women because it deals with the basic issue of the ways in which men and women relate to each other. There is a need for colleges and universities to have rape prevention programs not only to help women protect themselves but to help men understand the issue of rape and thereby make the college campus a safer environment for everyone.

Some More thoughts on All of This.
There have been a few women who have worked, in different capacities, on challenging and confronting Jux. They have been completely discounted by the folks in this piece of shit we call a scene. They have been called liars, they have been harassed and followed, they have been intimidated. To me it seems like men (and women) defending male privilege. It also seems like adults defending adult privilege. I believe that a big part of why people are defending Jux is because by doing so they are defending themselves. One of the defining features of (the disease known as) American male sexuality is the preference towards sexually inexperienced, young (to the point of just barely having entered puberty) girls. Guys are usually into using young girls. They take more shit. They are less likely to demand respect or other courtesies. They are less likely to demand or request the man to be available to their sexual or emotional needs.

If a man with this frame of mind were to honestly question Jux’s violating of young boys sexually, then they are going to have to take a look at there own sexual behavior. They would have to come to some uncomfortable conclusions about their own behavior. Defending Jux is defending one’s self. Sometimes I wonder if being a punk and working on your sexism just means not saying the wrong words in front of the wrong people and maybe owning a Spitboy record or two. Also I wanted to point out that if we want to live in a world with out cops it means we need to take responsibility. Firstly for ourselves. Secondly for those who aren’t taking responsibility for themselves. All government and society aside, it is the adult’s responsibility to keep the children safe. In our “community” we have done the exact opposite. Not only have we not kept the kids safe, we kept those four women from being able to create an enviorment where Jux wouldn’t be allowed to hurt people anymore. If those four women were in bands and were men it would have been taken seriously a long time ago. I know this is true because it started to be taken seriously by some people when I (a man in a band) brought it up.

A Word or Two to Jux.
Jux, I don’t care what scene icon you can get to slag me in public or in their zines, I don’t care how many kids you have scared into silence, I don’t care whether or not you have a fire arm, I don’t care if you try to sue me for libel or slander, you can’t shut me up and you’re not getting away with it. If you so much as touch any of the kids for talking to me I will go straight to the police. If you try to do anything to me it’s going to be pretty obvious it was you. Jeff Ott.

One Account From a Friend of the Victim by Anonymous.
Myths About Male Sexual Abuse was taken from Nelson Blain’s Abuse Pages.
Some Rape Info and “Friends” Raping Friends Taken from the Sexual Assault Information Page.
All Else By Me.